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University of Arizona Scientists Blame President Bush for Extinction of Dinosaurs
by Kris on 2/13/2007 (9)

What'd you do?!?
The most popular theories for the end of dinosaurs some 65 million years ago have revolved around a meteor striking earth, volcanic activity, or a global climate change caused by one of the aforementioned disasters. Scientists out of the University of Arizona have added another possible cause to this bucket of catastrophic extinction, current President George W. Bush.

Dr. Jay Mellon, a University of Arizona scientist, self-proclaimed ‘righteous dude' and friend to squirrels everywhere, presented his finding before a shocked crowd Monday that had gather with the promise of big news and free booze.

"I can say with a ninety percent certainly that George Bush was in fact the reason that dinosaurs are no longer living on Earth today," said Dr. Mellon. "I am not entirely sure how this is possible but we have millions, maybe even billions, of years worth of evidence to sort through and I have no doubt we can make a connection."

Ever since Al Gore lost the Presidential election to Bush, Dr. Mellon and his diligent team of flying monkeys have been hard at work to "knock that bastard down a peg". Over the past six years, they have attempted to blame Bush for Hurricane Katrina, steroids in baseball, and Rocky V, but the recent dinosaur allegation is the only one that appears to have any merit.

"We just kept throwing out ideas until something stuck," said Dr. Mellon. "When no one could prove Bush didn't kill the dinosaurs, we knew it must be true and decided to go public with our harsh but fair allegations which we may or may not ever be able to backup with any scientific proof."

When asked why he was so determined to blame Bush for the end of dinosaurs despite a lack of evidence and the fact that Bush wasn't even alive until millions of years after their extinction, Dr. Mellon unleashed a brilliant display of deductive reasoning that was so sound in it's logic that nary a critic could effectively argue otherwise.

"Just look at all the stuff Bush is responsible for already… the failure of the War on Iraq and subsequent worldwide anti-American sentiment, the inability to capture Osamba Bin Laden, poor quality education in many inner-city schools, the Medicare crisis, Coke 2. The list goes on and on. If all these other things are Bush's fault, it's pretty obvious that the extinction of dinosaurs is his fault too."

In a strange twist of irony, President Bush's approval rating actually went up 2% following these allegations. There are even rumors that typically low-key Vice President Dick Chaney uttered a single "alright" when he saw the new approval ratings. Early indications seem to show the increase in Bush's popularity is due to the respect and fear Americans have for a man that could single-handedly put an end to an entire species of giant lizards.n./tds/

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1. by choad on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
the failure of inner city schools is because they are inner city schools. wake up, sauorpod nutz. s </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by T. Rex on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
"Bush's popularity is do to the respect and fear Americans have for a man that could single-handedly put an end to an entire species of giant lizards." I'm having a hard time making sense of this last sentence, unless, of course, you meant to say 'due' instead of 'do'. Watch or you will be extincted! </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I like to think of my writing as open source... I write a rough draft and then you guys help me make it betterone"></if </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
4. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Actually, China is emerging as the new Global Warming king. They are building coal fired plants at a breakneck pace, and will overtake the U.S. in a few years in overall ommissions. Environmental concerns over there are taboo, and considered counter cultural. You can get shot for complaining. As far as the Iraq war, how could the U.S. Genral Staff predicted suicide bombers with such frequency? That completely way, way out of Western thinking. I think that if we are dealing with people willing to blow themselves up for their God, I feel more comfortable taking the fight to them, like Bush says. Just "leaving them alone" will not work as 9-11 evidenced. They will come and get us no matter how nice we are to them. You get it either way. Islam is a world menace, and must be brought to its knees.s </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
5. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Wasn't the fact that terrorists flew planes into our buildings and willingly killed themselves indication enough that they were far from our western method of thinking? Just leaving Iraq alone would have worked fine because Iraq wasn't a threat and were so crippled since the first Gulf War that they never were going to be a threat again. At this point though, we've fucked up their country so badly and opened it up for terrorism that we can't leave them alone anymore. Iraq would have been better off if we never went in and so would have been America. This isn't the old west... you can't just fire some guns and expect all the problems to resolve themselves."0 </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
6. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
hindsight is always 20/20."0" style </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
7. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
In any event, wheter the war was ill founded or not is a mute issue as of today. What matters now is that we win, by any means, at any cost. Failure is unthinkable, withdrawal absurd and juvenile in scope.m </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
8. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
We need to radically change the way we are fighting this war. More troops is not the answer, it's just going to lead to more people for terrorists and insurgents to kill. Bush doesn't value the lives of the US soldiers, all he wants to do is make them more cannon fodder. That is totally unacceptable and should not be allowedone </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
9. by bob on 3/7/2007 3:56:32 PM
The article is only saying that people believe Bush is responsible for the failure in Iraq, which is true. No point arguing here."0" style=" </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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