Widget Company Employees Demand to Know What a Widget Is
on 1/30/2007 (0)
Employees of the nations largest widget manufacturer, Widgets World Wide, are up in arms after yet another year passes and they still have no idea what the hell they are making. Many have threatened to strike until someone tells them what a widget does.
|What it do?!?|
"It's very frustrating," said assembly worker Barney Cheesehut. "Every day I put together hundreds of widgets, but no one will tell me what they do or who we are selling them too."
"It's very embarrassing when family or friends ask what I do and I can't tell them because I don't know either," said widget quality tester Raymond Brown.
Like many other employees at Widgets World Wide, Barney and Raymond are in the dark about exactly what a widget does. Management has refused to speculate yet they have no problem mentioning that sales were up 3% for the 2006 fiscal year.
"We don't feel our employees need to know what they are making to continue to make a quality product," said Widget World Wide CEO James Poof. "All they need to know is how to pull levers, push buttons, and keep their hands out of the gears."
Since the invention of the widget in the early 1900's, it has been one of America's largest exports, presumably because no other country knows what they are and thus cannot copy what they do. All that is known about widgets is that they are necessary for something and they have a high resale value if they are used in a low stress environment.
What's a Widget Incorporated, America's leading widget research firm, was founded in 1998 by former widget company employees in an effort to determine what they had sent the past three decades making.
"While we haven't conclusively proven what a widget does, we believe we are close," said What's a Widget CEO Marlin Posey. "It appears that the widget connects to the doodad, which then in turn is spun by the thingamabobber. It's a very technical processes that no doubt does something quite amazing."
In light of the possible strike and the revealing of perhaps the nations greatest secret, Widgets World Wide stock has plummeted to a year low price of $400 a share. Despite all this, majority shareholder Henry Cow (three shares) isn't worried.
"Every year people demand to know what a widget is and every year those same people turn up missing," said Cow. "Jimmy Hoffa, Amelia Earhart, the Lindberg Baby, the list goes on. You question the widget, you pay the price.""0" styl0" style
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