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Mutant Chinese Pigs Threaten America
by Kris on 1/4/2007 (0)

What a ham!
Beijing, China - Chinese scientists have successfully bred mutant green fluorescent pigs, which they hope will boost stem cell research and strike fear into the American public.

"Americans aren’t fearful enough of Chinese pigs these days," claimed the Xinhua news agency. "Now, they have every reason to be."

A research team at the Northeast Agricultural University in Harbin managed to breed three transgenic pigs by injecting fluorescent green protein and a "bunch of other junk" into embryonic pigs, said Professor Liu Zhonghua. Liu wore a fancy white lab coat and had multiple degrees adorning his walls, so we assume he must be pretty smart.

"The mouth, trotters and tongue of the pigs are green under ultraviolet light," said Liu. "These pigs can also shoot fire out their mouths and travel through time."

Genetic material from jellyfish and half-eaten burritos was injected into the womb of a sow. The mutated pigs then burst from her chest twelve minutes later.

"Holy crap, a pig that shoots fire and travels through time could spell doom for us all," said frightened American Nick Hamm.

As a result of the birth of the pigs, the American Homeland Security has raised the terror threat to yellow.

China celebrates the start of the Year of the Pig in February and plans to use these pigs to usher in a new era of prosperity and worldwide terrorone">

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