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Local Sam's Club Promotes 28th Mini Manager Out Of Total Store Staff Of 52
by Mark on 11/27/2006 (0)

Garden Square Sam's Club celebrates promotion of 4 more managers, boasting "We've got more management than a Herbal Life convention, the DNC, and the Major and Minor Leauges combined."
POUGHKEEPSIE, NY - Poughkeepsie, Garden Square Sam's club store #235 recently applauded the promotion of former stock boy Dave Barbari to rear front end manager, making him the 28th micro manager out of a total store staff of 52.

"It's great to finally be on board the management train!" Beamed Barbari. "Now that I'm in a position of leadership, I can start romping heads and getting the most out of our people. I pledge to follow company guidelines to the letter, and don't think I'm not prepared to play foosball with your nuts if you raise your voice higher than my hairpiece, and if you want your paycheck, my ass stamp is going to be all over the back of it, that's for goddamn sure!

Barbari joins Kurt Stankowicz, right front quadrant manager, and Melissa Munz, center front manager, whose primary responsibility is to make sure that nothing gets out of the front of the store without someone paying for it. The front end managers are bolstered by a main sales manager, housewares manager, appliance manager and food court manager, each with their own area of jurisdiction. The entire store is overseen by General manager Ed Codge, with clerical, payroll and inventory duties subrogated to 6 clerical managers, 26 assistant and 4 sub-assistant adjunct managers in the upper level office area as well.

"My next goal is to become general front end manager, which gives me control over the entire front 45 feet of the store, along with the exit and customer service desk, cart area and parking lot. After a few years, I figger I'm ready for the back 45 with the pharmacy and tire center too. I think I'm ready now, but I just have to play the game for awhile, and that works for me."

The 2 remaining store employees not involved in some form of management, bakery worker Amanda Hobbs and meat packer Jimmy Skufka, promised to "gut Barbari like a trout" if he wanders into their territory without the express permission of their manager or assistant manager, or until they become managers themselves, as droves of puzzled customers looked unwaited on nearby.isplay0" style="display:no

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