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Really Cheesy Porn Music Named Top Killer Of Online Masturbation Fantasies
by Mark on 11/7/2006 (0)

La Cuccamunga! Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-deeeee!!
(AP) - A recent survey conducted among regular online porn browsers named "really cheesy background music" as the number one sexual fantasy killer, according to Adultweb pundit, Planet Suzy.

"Bad background music, namely blaring factory and machine technocrap, and Mexican Mariachi, can kill a good bean-flicking or helmet-scrubbing session as sure as your mom sneaking up behind you. It's amazing to me that porn producers would go through all the trouble of hiring beautiful models, filming, and then overlay the vids with such unnerving, detracting music."

Suzy paused poutily between sultry sips of chilled Chandon Champagne

"The best background porn music should never detract from the moans and groans of the actors, and should be neutral at best. Kenny G and stock-grade-off-the-rack Muzak seem to work the best, as they are easily overlooked, yet contribute to an overall ambience that enhances the viewers experience and pleasure. Other turn offs include misleading enticing gallery search descriptions that link to dead or unrelated URL's, or sample stills that look nothing like the actors involved. There's nothing like eagerly expecting 'hot blonde with big boobs gives blow job and sofa sex' and finding what looks like Dennis Rodman in drag, and not the sexy fishnet kind of drag, neither."

Other major turn offs cited by Suzy include excessive grunting, closeup hairy butt shots, zits, saggy boobs and excessive small talk, adding "If you're going to cum, cum...don't talk, cum!"

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