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Recovering Alcoholic Starts Drinking After Falling off a Wagon
by Kris on 10/24/2006 (0)

A sad state of afairs.
For recovering alcoholic Jimmy Marshal, the drinking began in high school and made a drunken blur of the next eight years of his life. When the money ran out and the drinks ran dry, Jimmy awoke to two children, a cheating wife, and no recollection of how he got there.

"It was horrible, the last thing I remember was cracking open my first beer to celebrate my acceptance to Stanford and then I found myself unemployed and marred to a whore," said a sad Jimmy at his first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Later Jimmy did admit he loved the kids, though he wasn't totally sure they were really his on account of his wife being a huge slut and his own inability to maintain an erection, largely on account of the constant drinking.

Jimmy was quick to move back with his parents, whom had tried to intervene on his drunken behavior numerous times prior, and began attending weekly AA meetings. Everything was going well, Jimmy had been sober for nearly six months when tragedy struck in the most ironic way possible.

Jimmy's AA group rented a horse drawn wagon for the town's local 22nd of October parade, a parade to honor those who died in parades during October. Shortly into the parade, a small child wearing a Kelly Ripa mask startled the horses and Jimmy was thrown to the ground.

"That was fucking awesome!" yelled one drunken spectator. Completely disorientated, Jimmy grabbed from the spectator what we only hope he had assumed was refreshing mountain spring water and slammed what was really a newly opened beer. As the alcohol coursed through his veins once more, Jimmy wandered into the crowd in search of more as his fellow AA members unsuccessfully tried to stop him.

"He clearly was on a mission for more beer," said friend Mark Bob. "We tried to hold him back, but he had the strength of at least two men."

Last Jimmy was seen, he was pantless running down Fifth Avenue with a beer in one hand and a slutty woman holding the other.

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