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NASA to use Space Shuttles to Kill Birds
by Kris on 6/30/2006 (5) 
 | | Enjoy your life birds, cause this shuttle is going to end you. | | KENNEDY SPACE CENTER, Florida - When the shuttle Discovery launched July 26, 2005, a turkey buzzard flew into the spacecraft's external tank about three seconds after liftoff. The bird was killed instantly and it's rocket-charred body fell safely into a crowd of horrified spectators below.
NASA has taken this collision very seriously, gathering experts to create a "Bird Extermination Plan" to reduce the world's population of birds by killing them with space shuttles.
"It is a serious risk, birds are everywhere these days," John Shannon, chairman of the Mission Management Team, said at a NASA news conference Thursday afternoon. "They are shitting on our cars, eating our insects, and attacking our old people."
Vultures and hundreds of other bird species have enjoyed a safe haven on the Florida Space Coast for millions of years, allowing them to breed and slowly build up large enough numbers that they could very easily take over a small state such as Rhode Island or Vermont if drastic action to reduce their numbers isn't taken immediately.
 "The basic plan is to take the space shuttle and fly it into as many flocks of birds that we can find," said Shannon. "We must do our part to protect the Earth now less we return from a space mission one day to find the planet to be ruled by birds or worse."
Road kill has been placed in the area surrounding the launch pad to attract more vultures. Additionally, the shuttle has been painted like a duck in hopes that it will prevent birds from realizing that the giant object hurtling towards them at hundreds of miles an hour is going to kill them.
NASA is not alone in their mission to reduce bird numbers and has the backing of many other government agencies.
"We issued a permit to NASA to kill all birds in the airspace over the United States," said Tom MacKenzie, spokesman for the southeast region of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. "Birds must be stopped by any means necessary and shuttles are certainly a feasible mean."
NASA's plans will be in action for the scheduled launch of the shuttle Discovery on Saturday. NASA is hopeful that they can kill 500 birds with this initial bird-killing flight.n.ru/tds/
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