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Big Huge Muscle Guy Pretty Much Scaring The Hell Out Of Everyone He Bumps Into
by Mark on 6/10/2006 (0) 
 | | Carbo load! You wish you were me! You wish you were me! RAaaaaaarrrrRRR... |  | | RRRrrr....aaahhhhh!! | | IRON CITY , PA - Iron City bodybuilding enthusiast Eddie Tufts was recently observed "scaring the hell out of pretty much everyone he bumps into" according to his anxiously alarmed girlfriend Trisha Ziske.
"I-It's getting crazy! Eddie is so massive and bulked up, I think this whole weight lifting thing has totally consumed him. It's like he turns into a mad Hulk or something, and rails on and on about how huge he is. I-I can't take it anymore!*sob*!"
Friends and family of Tufts have recanted tales of him insanely ranting "Minimum weight 205, max weight 215! Keep my run below 14 flat at least, separation and vascularity in the arms, legs, losing the gut and watching abs emerge. Good stuff! Cardio diet! You wish you were me! You WISH you were me!" to pretty much anyone within eye range or earshot.
"We can't stop him!" Bemoaned Ziske. "He benches everything in sight. He lifts riding mowers over his head with riders on them, baby carriages with babies in them and even turned 2 fully loaded shopping carts into curling irons! The steroids must have gone straight to his brain. He outta control!"
Other tales recounted Tufts lifting the rear wheels of convertible Volkswagen Golfs at red lights, ripping the top of beer cans off with his teeth and even cracking walnuts without a nutcracker, and without his hands, neither.
Eventually, Tufts would come down off of his chaotic cardiovascular high after a series of sudden agonizing muscular rips and abdominal tears, the worst of which was heard, not to mention whiffed, clean over in McKees Rocks.
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