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Al Gore Dominates Local Competitive Eating Championship
by Mark on 4/20/2006 (0) 
 | | Al Gore! Al Gore! Woof-woof!! | | FANFARE, IA - Ex vice president Al Gore reportedly "walked away" with the 'Golden Gherkin' 1st place trophy for downing 53 hot dogs in the competitive eating world class division at the Fanfare, Iowa, State Fairgrounds early Wednesday.
Former Japanese champion dogger Takeru Kobayashi described Gore's efforts as 'Goremaniacal'. Kobayashi, who revolutionized the hot dog eating world with his 'Solomon' dogger-quaffing technique, marveled "It is if as though Gore has no gullet! Like his mouth is connected directly to his duodenum like a Grouper fish! Truly presidential effort, indeed! Hai!"
The Fanfare State Fair contest is to hot dog eating what Augusta is to golf, bringing together 20 champion hot dog eaters to Iowa from around the world each April.
In addition to the 53 hot dogs, Gore ate 17.7 pounds of cow brains in 15 minutes, 152 jalapenos in 15 minutes, 137 chicken wings in 30 minutes, 15 burritos in eight minutes and 38 hard-boiled eggs in 10 minutes.
"It's a question of endurance and using your hand exactly like a toilet plunger...exactly, a technique I invented, of course." added an exhausted and badly bloated Gore. "Bill and I used to have Big Mac eating contests at the White House. I'd always win, and Bill would just call me a sumbitch, and give me a playfull biff on the chin, and we'd just laugh and laugh. Those were the times, man!"
In spite of his impressive victory, Gore reportedly has no plans for competing for the title next year, citing "These things take alot out of a guy. My biggest fear is that I'll tie someone, and the judges will demand a recount. Now THAT'S one chad I'd rather leave dangling, I'll tell you that!"isplay:none0" style="display:no
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