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Beer And Darvocets Rumor Plauge Pie-Eyed American Idol Judge Paula Abdul
by Mark on 3/1/2006 (6)

(AP) A recent persistent rumor has plagued the sometimes glassy eyed, verbally stumbling American Idol judge Paula Abdul, according to shut-in Kankakee, Illinois housewife Lee Anne Mcmillan. Lee Anne describes:

"My God! She is so high! I can tell it from a mile away! Every time someone takes Darvocets and drinks beer, they act just like that...all goofy and stuttering. I'm 100 percent sure. I mean, I take Darvocets too, but I would never drink beer with them. I'm not that stupid! OMG!"

Embattled, Marquette, Michigan single mom Kathy Blancos strongly disagreed.

"Nope, she's on Paxil! I'll bet they put her on Paxil, because all of those Hollywood people are depressed because fame and fortune has eventually burned them out, and ruined their souls. She probably hates herself, and wishes for a simple life again. Yep, I know Paula and Paxil, and Paulas on Paxil!"

Other theories coming in from across the globe included diabetic hyperglycemia from a Florida Weight Watchers dormitory, Lou Gehrig disease from a Chicago Medical clinic intern study room, and dehydration and subsequent chronic fatigue from an Ethiopian Olympic Marathon runners club.

An insider, perhaps most revealing, analysis of the pie-eyed Paula came from Simon Cowell himself, who described Paula's lugubrious use of clumsy verbiage and flaky behavior as simply a result of "mild innate musical star bubble-headed stupidity and more than several pre-show Strawberry Margaritas, not always in that order."isplay:none">

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1. by emilee on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
okay first of all u shouldn't be posting these "rumors" on the internet unless u know for sure they r true..... u cant prove that she is on "drugs"!!!! SO GET UR FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE U POST THIS KINDA STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!isplay:none"></ </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by Krebbs on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Its a satire page, dummy. Maybe you're on Darvocets! </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by Julie on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I just find it stupid that you all are spending your free time accusing people, that you dont know, of being on drugs. Great way to make a difference in the world!!! Regardless if you know them or not, that is not a light joke. Watch what you say. </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
4. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I think it's obvious to anyone who saw her at the Giants spring training that she is on steroids. s </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
5. by Bob on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Paula is STILL taking Soma (muscle relaxer) and Vicodin (Narcotic Pain Med). She has been taking these for years now. She has admitted to it many times. She also stated "I take them when I need to. I am always in pain." This is not rocket science, she is on both. I have seen many people mix the two and the result is as clear as day. Case closed. Go ask her. She will ramble, stumble, stutter and talk continuously trying to say "NO" </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
6. by Michele on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Yep soma will do ya in. I took them for 5 months and stuttered for nearly a year. I will never take another one of those useless, speech altering drugs again. Paula needs to go to physical therapy and grin and bear it. What good is she if she cant even speak. </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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