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Some Almost Laughable Deaths
by Mark on 11/16/2005 (0)

Death by molasses? Yeah, death by molasses!
Yeah, yeah, I know. What's funny about death? Well, nothing frankly, except perhaps some of these totally true final curtain moments. Hoot!

Dieing on the toilet: The most famous personage to die on the throne being Elvis Presley (drug overdose), other strong mentionables include King George II (aortic dissection), Catherine the Great, Empress of Russia (stroke) and Charlie Chaplin (brain embolism). In fact, fatal last-flush moments are common, as the straining and pushing associated with constipation can result in an acute rise of blood pressure and burst weakened blood vessels. Perhaps the most embarrassing way to go, not to mention be found, as well.

Killed by a falling vending machine: The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission reported there were 37 known vending machine fatalities between 1978 and 1995, more numerous than shark attacks during that same period. Coke or Pepsi? Yauuuggh!

Died laughing: Ole Bentzen (Danish physician, d.1989) An audiologist who specialized in developing hearing aids for underdeveloped countries, Bentzen went to see the film A Fish Called Wanda. During a scene featuring John Cleese, Bentzen began laughing so hard that his heartbeat accelerated to a rate of between 250 and 500 beats a minute and he was seized by a heart attack and died.

Death during intercourse: The rigors of sexual intercourse is often compared with a brisk step up several flights of stairs, making it an understandable risk to those with coronary disease. On January 26, 1979 Nelson Rockefeller suffered a heart attack and died. It is officially recorded that this occurred during sexual intercourse with his mistress. You can't take it with you, but this is close...real close.

Died after winning lottery: James K. Craig Jr., 43, A northwestern Indiana man who won $9.7 million in a January lottery drawing died when his car struck a utility pole in a rainstorm. In another January fatality in the same state, Carl D. Atwood, 73, of Elwood, Ind., was struck and killed by a pickup truck a few hours after winning $57,000 on the "Hoosier Millionaire" television show. He had been walking to the store where he had purchase his winning ticket. Almost laughable, not-so-sublimley ironic.

Crushed by falling safe: An age old cliche comes to fruition with the case of Alan Sewel, who was working at the Plymouth branch of Lloyds TSB bank when a five tonne safe fell down the stairs and trapped him against the wall. Alan was pronounced dead at the scene. Thus life imitates Road Runner cartoons.

Death by molasses: The tale of the Great Boston Molasses Flood sounds like an urban legend. In 1919, a squat steel tank of molasses sitting low on the Boston Harbor waterfront exploded. Filled with more than 2.3 million gallons of the sticky substance, the seaside container burst, unleashing a 15-foot-high tidal wave of gooey destruction, killing 21 people, and devastating substantial parts of the North End. If you don't believe it, Google it. It's true!

Man suffocates to death on his own flatulence: In 2004, The Bloomburg News Service reported how an obese man who was teased by his relatives for his excessive flatulence shut himself up in his room after a meal of corned beef, beans and cabbage. The next day he was found dead and was declared to have died as a consequence of breathing in methane produced by his own body. Three of his rescuers were taken ill and one w

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