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The Rolling Stones Gather Moss
by Kris on 8/10/2005 (2) 
 | | Holy crap, these guys aren't dead! | | They say a rolling stone gathers no moss. And thru over fifty years of nearly nonstop touring, this statement stood true. That was until a group of desperate elementary schoolers asked one of rock's longest touring acts for help finding a cure to a deadly virus.
Resent research by the National Center for Recent Research has found that certain properties in typical forest moss may prove beneficial in finding a cure for the dreaded Motaba virus, a virus so deadly that it's story was made into a hit movie starting Dustin Hoffman and Rene Russo. While the movie does claim to find a cure using an infected monkey, in reality 99% of people who contract the Motaba virus die in seven days.
With hopes that a cure is soon to be found, Cedar Creek Elementary students began collecting moss, educating others on this fictitious disease, and recruiting others to join their seemingly cult like cause.
Most new recruits have been simply local towns people convinced to join by the numerous scare tactics employed by these students, but recently the high profile rockers the Rolling Stones joined this valiant cause.
 "Since the very beginning, these kids have supported our band," said Rolling Stone singer Mick Jaggar. "It's a great feeling to finally be able to give something back."
The Rolling Stones have postponed upcoming shows indefinitely and now can be found scavenging through the forests of New Jersey for moss, lichens, and other forest fungi.
"The deadly Motaba virus is nothing to joke about," said Stones guitarist Keith Richards. "Nearly one billion men, women, goats, and monkeys die every year because of this virus. Given that we now are on the cusp of finding a cure, it just seemed obvious that it was finally time for the Rolling Stones to gather some moss."
When asked why, after so many years, the Rolling Stones were finally willing to gather moss, a clearly angered Mick snapped back at us, "bloody hell, we're not fucking Aerosmith!"h="0"<0" hei
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