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Random Thoughts VII
by Kris on 7/28/2005 (0)

Everyone once in a while, a thought crosses my mind. It doesn't happen often, and thankfully it doesn't hurt much either, but sometimes these thoughts are so insightful and so deep that I just must share them with the entire world, which I naively assume all know of this site. So now, for the first time ever, the seventh edition of my thoughts, in alphabetical order as always.

I hope the afterlife isn't like PacMan. As a ghost, I fail to see the motivation in preventing a yellow circle shaped man from eating power pellets if he wants to. I'd much rather spend my time haunting houses, graveyards, and strip clubs.

Buying a nice sports car with a small engine is like buying an Albert Einstein with the brain of a three year old. Sure it's still Albert Einstein and he might be able to color you a nice picture, but there is so much more he could do with the brain that he was designed for.

The biggest problem with women is that most of them hate me. I think it's because women are crazy.

Why do they call it rat poison? I've never heard of anyone using it in conjunction with killing rats. The only time I ever hear about rat poison is when someone tries to kill someone else by putting it in their food. The name should be changed to have something to do with secretly trying to kill people by poisoning their meals... I suggest Oatmeal of Doom.

Time flies when you're being mauled by a gorilla.

Why is it that on commercials, used car dealers always claim there vehicles are 'Priced to sell'? Is there some time when the cars aren't priced to sell? "Hey guys, let's double the price of these vehicles, that way no one will buy them, ha ha ha!" Why would they do that? If I had a car dealership, my cars would always be priced to sell... but then I suppose I wouldn't have anything to brag about on the commercials, except my guarantee that if any of my vehicles give you herpes, you get a free wristwatch.

If it doesn't kill you, then it's probably not arsenic. Or the French.

Only in loss shall I be defeated.

The homeless shouldn't be so down on themselves, they may have nowhere to live, but at least they have their health. I can't say the same for victims of the polio virus.

What exactly is scratch? It seems like you can make just about anything from it. You can make muffins from scratch, you can make cakes from scratch, I even had a buddy that once made a tree fort from scratch. I asked one of the workers at the grocery store which isle had I could find scratch in, but she just looked at me funny. I'm not sure if that was because she didn't know what scratch was or because I wasn't wearing any pants.

The world isn't such a scary place... it's the monster that run that governments that you should be afraid of.

I hope one day I meet a slutty homeless person so I can tell her she puts the ho back in hobo. I will then also hope that her butch lesbian girlfriend has a good sense of humor about it.

Why is it that people are always exercising to 'stay in shape'? If you don't work out, will the atoms of your body just began to disperse and you'll become some sort of mist? Have any of you guys seen Timmy lately? No, sorry, he skipped out on the gym for a few days and evaporated.

I cooked a steak once because I didn't know what else to do with it. I tried talking to it, but the steak had very little to say.

I remember when I was younger and used to watch the Conan movies. I always thought to myself, "I bet that guy will rule California one day". And I was right. For my next prediction, Chuck Norris wins a watermelon seed spitting contest.

Do you have to be crazy to write a manifesto? If so, then all I need is the hooded sweatshirt and I'm golden.

Today on my package of Nutty Bars, I noticed a label stating they were voted "

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