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Time Machine Voyage Experience Difficulties, Paris Hilton Dead
by Ken ReCorr on 7/18/2005 (0)

This fire is hot.
1642 AD – The mind-boggling phenomenon that is time travel, once thought to be impossible, has now been conquered by a team of Danish scientist. Their success though has been tempered by loss. Paris Hilton, an unlikely candidate to be the first woman to venture into the experimental world of time travel, has died.

The sequence of events surrounding Hilton’s demise have not completely been pieced together. All indications are that she survived the trip, only to be done in by the surroundings.

Interest in time travel peaked earlier in the year when a group of scientist from The University of Copenhagen announced that they were able to send physical matter through a worm hole. The details are complicated, but upon hearing of the achievement the Fox Network immediately purchased the rights to the technology for use in the upcoming season of the reality show "The Simple Life".

One Fox studio executive was available for comment on the show’s new time-travel concept. "Well, we figured that we’d sent the girls (Hilton and Nicole "I really like doing coke off of Lohan’s ass" Ritchie) to Arkansas, why not medieval Europe? We figured the worst that could have happened was that Paris might spread her VD on an unsuspecting collection of serfs and fiefdom lords. We didn’t see this coming at all."

It turns out that "this" happens to entail being burned as a witch.

One of the show’s interns and most of the hair and makeup people managed to make it back to 2005 before the time portal closed. The film that accompanied them had been damaged, but the footage that was salvaged told a gruesome tale.

Early on in the taping it was apparent that Paris and Nicole were in trouble. Upon arriving in a small hamlet; Ritchie exposed herself for a hot meal, while Paris described the ever-present smell of pig feces as "hot".

Over the next several outtakes it was apparent that tensions were rising. Things came to a head when two women in the village mistook Hilton’s Chihuahua, Tinkerbell, for a chicken and roasted it on a spit.

While there is no footage of the altercation that followed, or the short trial that resulted in the celebutaunts being burned as witches. Those that made it back could only describe the final moments with one final ironic "hot"one">

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