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Morning Bathroom Break Takes Unexpected Turn
by Ken ReCorr on 6/27/2005 (0)

Parker won't be caught with his pants down again!
Ft. Wayne, IN – The sensation hit Tim Parker like a bolt of lightning. Although he had not eaten anything for breakfast, this trip to the men’s room turned into much more than relief from his early morning cup of coffee.

"Good thing I was already sitting down," lamented Parker while recounting the story with his other coworkers. Tim later explained that while sitting down to pee, or "sissy squatting" as it is known, does have several drawbacks it can be a lifesaver when the odd rampaging bowel movement hits.

"I’ve been raise with women all of my life, so yeah, I sit when I pee." Parker also credited this behavior for what he feels like is a very healthy pooping schedule. This particular rogue vessel had no time for "the 4pm train to Swirlyville" though. And as Tim Parker sees it, this could have caused major headaches had he been in another situation. "This might have happened during a meeting, and then what? I’ll tell you what, chaos, impacted chaos."

No one knows more about bowel movement trauma than office manager Kathy Greyberry. "The women in the office all marvel at Tim’s unique bathroom schedule. I think I can speak for all of the ladies here when I say that he’s truly blessed. I’ve personally tried bran, prunes, and a low lactose diet." Mrs. Greyberry continued, "I know some of the other gals go so far as to throw enema parties. That’s going a little far for me, but what I wouldn’t give sometimes just to be able to eat cheese pizza without curling into a ball of pain the next day."

Parker, Ft. Wayne’s number three toner seller by volume, won’t let this experience pass without taking something from it though. Parker intends to carry something, even if it is a take-out menu or instruction pamphlet, with him each and every time he excuses himself to the toilet.

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