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Heart Patient Dies After Strenuous Journey, Irony Cited As Probably Cause
 | | I don't have time for a heart attack, there's a marathon to be ran! | | Topeka, KS – A Topeka man who took up bicycling as a way to prove that quadruple bypass patients can live an active, full life died shortly after a marathon run to raise awareness for his cause.
Mike Jameson, Topeka’s first Bedazzler vendor, died at the age of 63 shortly after completing the strenuous cross country trek that included stops to see the world’s largest sponge (Dayton, OH) and sample fine hummus at the annual Man-That’s-Good-Hummus Festival in Arkadelphia, Arkansas.
Jameson was attempting the ride as a way to cheat death and prove his naysayers wrong. Clinical wisdom holds that vigorous activity at an elevated level for a prolonged period of time may cause an adverse reaction in a surgically repaired organ such as the heart.
"He always said it could be done," said Faye Jameson, Mike’s wife of 27 years. "I guess it really can’t be done though, can it? Life’s funny like that. Except that it’s not (funny)."
Medics arrived at Jameson’s home shortly after he complained of chest pains.
"When I opened up his shirt I seen the scar from his bypass," said FirstAlert responder Tim Jenkins. "When his wife told me what he had just finished doing I nearly crapped myself. I mean, I personally use any and every excuse to take a load off. Last week I stubbed my toe and called in sick until Thursday. This guy’s running on leg veins and decides to go for a ride all over A-freakin-merica."
Mrs. Jenkins recently told close friends how happy Mike was that he could "show those S.O.B.’s that they were wrong". Faye fondly recalled that "he just really liked screwing with people and calling them S.O.B.’s."
One of Jameson’s friends recalled the special bracelet Mike wore while on the excursion. "It read ‘Lance Armstrong is a pussy. I’ve got a monkey’s heart and I’m doing just fine,’" said pal Jim Hartford. "It was real wordy and not as catchy as those ‘Live Strong’ yellow things, actually it was more of a shirt sleeve that he marked up with a Sharpe. Anyway, that was Mike in a nutshell."
"It was a trip of a lifetime," Hartford said. "Well, maybe that isn’t the right way to put it. Man, I’ve got to get this down before the eulogy."
Services are scheduled for 5pm this Saturday at the Calvary Baptist church on 3rd street in Topeka. All that knew Mike are invited. An open letter to humanity will be read and contains what Jameson "really thought about everyone."n./tds/
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