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Bag of Money Stolen from Rich Man's Car
by Kris on 2/25/2005 (0)

Hmm... what ever could be in there?
Bob Nelson, a rich investment banker, had over $50,000 of his money stole from his rental car while on a visit to the city to pick up a hooker for his brother. The money was last seen in a bag with a large dollar sign on it and was sitting on the passenger seat of the vehicle.

"I was always misplacing money or losing my wallet," said Bob. "So I started carrying it in a giant sack with a dollar sign on it, it's hard to lose track of something like that."

Bob told police the theft occurred February 20th in the red light district of town shortly after he parked his car in front of what was later identified as a crack house. The crack house was next to what was later identified as a second crack house.

When he returned to the car after a transaction with a pimp named Tito, Bob found his passenger side window was smashed and the money was gone. Additionally, the wheels and rims on his car were stolen and a bum was sleeping in his backseat.

Police questioning of the bum revealed that he didn't see the theft take place but later happened across the vehicle and thought it to be a nice place to nap. And though the bum denied peeing in the glove compartment, forensic evidence taken from the scene suggests otherwise.

"While it is tragic that Mr. Nelson lost his money, carrying around that sort of cash, and marking it so obviously, is just asking for trouble," said police officer Dan Rogers. "We'll do what we can to find the money, but unless the thief is as stupid as Mr. Nelson, I feel the chance of recovering the money is very slim."

Bob said that after spending $50 for the hooker, he was going to pay off his gambling debts before he had his "kneecaps smashed with a ball pean hammer" and then planned to use the rest to purchase "high quality heroine from the corner dealer".

"There are so many ways that this could have been avoided," commented police chief Ted Jacobs. "Like for instance, not going to the worst part of town carrying $50,000 in a giant sack with a dollar sign on it and then leaving it unattended while you go to pickup a hooker."

"In hindsight, I recognize that this probably wasn't the smartest thing to do," said Bob in an exclusive interview with Smooth Operator earlier today. "Even still, it's my money and I'd like it back. If anyone sees anyone suspicious with a giant bag of money, I urge them to notify the authorities.""0" st0" style

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