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Who sez you can't take it with you?
by Mark on 2/7/2005 (0)

Who sez you can't take it with you?!
BURTON, IL - The Rittonardo Funeral Home, in a savvy business co-op with the noted U.S. cartage firm U-Haul, offers clients The Big Final Move.

Funeral director Frank Rittonardo softly explained:

"We had a lot of clients -primarily very wealthy doctors and lawyers and the like- who were bitter about amassing vast multi-million dollar fortunes, only to die and leave it all behind. We teamed up with the folks at U-Haul to offer a better solution."

Rittonardo took a U-Haul rate chart from his desk drawer and highlighted several prices as he spoke.

"For only 59.95, we offer a 1/2 ton U-Haul bumper-hitch trailer to carry the most common types of compact valuables, such as cash, jewelry and precious metals with you to your final resting place. We specialize in digging oversized graves for everlasting internment for you and your precious keepsakes. Why spend eternity devoid of all the material treasures you spent a lifetime earning and accumulating? We offer a better way."

Rittonardo also offers 1 ton, 2 ton, and semi-tractor specialty hearses for those who wish to take oversize valuables with them, such as cars, art collections and even the contents of entire vintage wine cellars.

"We even buried one woman in a Rolls-Royce. We can accommodate virtually any request, and are prepared to move and intern entire estates if called upon."

Rittonardo did admit that hiring a willing crew of movers willing to participate was a challenge, although he gingerly confessed "At least we don't have to worry about dropping anything. Saves us big bucks on liability insurance!"0" hei

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