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The Power of Grapefruit
by Kris on 1/31/2005 (0)

Grapefruit... the most powerful fruit of them all.
In recent years, people have been taking advantage of the citrus power of the Orange to wipe away dirt and grim. While this is fine and dandy, if you truly want a spotless clean you should look to the Power of Grapefruit!

“Grapefruit is the undisputed King of Fruit,” said Dr. Nelson Nilsson, expert in the field of fruit and its bloody past. “In the 17th century, there was a great war between the fruits and while they were outnumbered, the grapefruits were able to fend off the lemons, oranges, and apples and take back South America!”

During this battle, grapefruit also put a fruit known as lematato into extinction.

“It’s really too bad that the lematato isn’t around these days,” said Dr. Nelson. “It was like a combination of a potato and a lemon, I hear it was delicious.”

Other scientists have analyzed the physical makeup of the grapefruit and found signs of why it is such an effective cleanser.

“The grapefruit contains a chemical called dihydroxybergamottin, or ‘clean juice’ as we often like to call it,” said Dr. Wilson Sharp, head of research at the Macgyver Research Center. “This chemical is angry at a world that has unjustly prejudiced it and by harnessing its rage for the good of cleanliness, no stain can stand in its path of destruction.”

“If we’ve learned anything from the Hulk, it is that rage can be a powerful thing,” said local nerd Steven Nerdliner. “When you unleash grapefruit on a stain, it transforms from the mild mannered scientist Bruce Banner and into an unstoppable killing machine.”

But why take history and science’s word for it, there are dozens of satisfied customers that have taken advantage of the vengeful Power of Grapefruit!

“After I killed my husband, there was blood all over our apartment,” said “Not only did my apartment look spotless after using the Power of Grapefruit, but its powerful cleansing ability destroyed important forensic evidence and I avoided a murder conviction!”

“After performing a ritual goat sacrifice to the Devil, my apartment was a mess,” said singer Michael Bolton. “Not only did the Power of Grapefruit clean the inside of my apartment, but I used it to clean off the ‘You suck’ messages the local children like to spray paint on my walls!”

With so much scientific and historic evidence supporting the unparalleled Power of Grapefruit and multiple satisfied customers, we recommend that you go out and purchase this amazing product immediately. Due to the incredible cleaning power of grapefruit (and the US government’s subsequent labeling it as a chemical threat), purchase of this cleanser requires an extensive background check and ten day waiting period. Make sure to bring a valid driver’s license, social security card, and birth certificate when making your purchase."0"0" style

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