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Christmas Aftermath News Briefs
by Mark on 12/26/2004 (0)

Krikers! I think my heart just stopped!
DEC 26 - Across the nation, telltale signs indicate the end of Christmas season.

10 year-old 'Little Italy' Ohio resident Angelo Gabucci spent Sunday morning "tangled in a sticky mass of Testor's model glue and an unknown variety of plastic pieces" after hastily attempting to assemble a 1/32 scale model of the Space Shuttle, a gift from his grandma Angela.

According to Angelo's mom, Carmella, "Angelo made a big fuss all year for that crazy thing, and now he made a big mess of it. He used a too much glue, and won't a follow the directions. I TOLDA my husband to make him a wait until he was older! Whatsa so crazy about my idea of buying him a new winter coat? Itsa not so crazy now, huh?!"

In nearby Parma, Leona Pojda, fighting back tears, lamented baking too many poppy seed Makowiec pastry rolls and not enough apricot Paczkis.

"The Paczkis went like a mad house! Next year I'll skip the poppy seeds. I hope someone eats them, or...*sob!*...I-I'll give them to the dog!"

Other news briefs include Shaker Hts. Pediatrician Dr. Bob Thomas "nearly polishing off" a 300 hundred dollar bottle of 100 year old Courvoisier ultra-special reserve French cognac (except for two fingers), and a mad rush to return unwanted and defective coffee makers, bread baking machines, I-Pods, video games and vegetable steamers to Best Buy and Walmart before prices dropped back down after January 1st.

No reciepts are expected to be available for the returns

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