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A Smooth Operator Christmas
by Kris on 12/18/2004 (5)

Even robots love the Christmas season.
It's that time of year again. The time when snow covers the ground, the time when peace and love fill the air, the time when an overweight fat man dressed in red spandex shimmies down chimneys and leaves presents under a slowly dieing pine tree, all for a couple trays of milk and cookies.

To many, this is a very religious holiday. Christians celebrate the birth of Christ, Buddhists celebrate the birth of Buda, and the Parker Brothers celebrate the birth of Monopoly. Fictitious characters like Santa Clause, the Abominable Snowman, and David Guest allow even those that are non-religious to celebrate something too.

Many families get together during this time, families that may not see each other all the rest of the year. They share family dinners, exchange presents, and have a good laugh about the less than brilliant cousin John, the guy that built a jet engine in the back of his pickup truck in a vain attempted to break the land speed record. "They're still finding pieces of John in the mountains to this day," jokes Uncle Steve. And if your family is anything like mine, one Uncle invariable scares the children by telling of how he's going to stop Santa Clause, either with a boiling pot of water in the chimney or simply by waiting with a shotgun near the tree. Of course, Santa will always visit his home before he gets to yours.

Old friends return home, either on break from school or coming back from work in the big city. Found memories are recalled, wonderful stories of the time when one of your friends pushed another down the stairs because he wouldn't clean a plate, or the time when you got so drunk one night that when you woke up the next morning, you were laying on your friend's kitchen floor missing your jacket, shoes, and cellphone... and your ride home had passed out somewhere else, but where you didn't know.

Yes, it is truly a merry time. Good food, good company, and half-priced sex from many of your favorite prostitutes and whores. So from all of us here at Smooth Operator, we would like to wish you the merriest of times on this holiday season. But always remember, if you're gonna drive, then make sure not to be too merry, if you get my drift

And should you find some extra time this holiday season, check out these Christmas articles on Smooth Operator from the past couple of years.

Tony Danza steals Christmas, Escapes to Mexico
Ghost of Christmas Past opens spaced themed Mexican restaurant
Subliminal Messages Found in 'White Christmas'
Ghost of Christmas Past fired
Man attempts to one up Christmas with Supermas

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1. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Too much Beavis and Butthead, Married with Children, Malcolm, the Simpsons and Southpark can give you a skewed view on things. I blame Hollywood, not Santa! </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Just give me Ol' Charlie Brown. All was cozy and well...*sigh*...g </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Charlie Brown is dead. Long live Al Bundy.h="0"< </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
4. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM Brown lives...CB can run headfirst into a brick wall, teeth gnashing, emerge from the other side, spitting chunks of limestone, and emerge unscathed...CB lives, always will... </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
5. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
The only person that can go through a brickwall unscathed is Robocop. Charlie Brown is no Robocop.< </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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