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Thrive, Mein Fuhrer, thrive!!

by Mark on 11/8/2004 (2)

"Thrive, Mein Fuhrer, Thrive!!"

(AP) - In an effort to increase corporate profits by placing the burden of prevention on their HMO members, rather than paying for hefty hospital care later on, Kaiser-Permanente has launched a $40 million dollar "Thrive" campaign.

The Kaiser television ads contain short, self-help, pro-health blurbs such as "We are anti-addiction, and pro anti-oxidant. We think blueberries make a great snack. We support swimming, yoga and broccoli for dinner. Thrive!"

According to insiders, however, the original Kaiser "Thrive" ads were a bit more fascist-like, offering mandates to "Make sure to only breed with members of a superior race...undergo genetic screening for possible birth defects, and sterilization if appropriate...euthanasia is the humane choice", and so on.

Kaiser HMO member Charlie McCarthy ponders

"Do I look like the type that eats blueberries and broccoli? Hell no! I smoke and I eat burgers like almost everyone else."

When reminded that self-incurred illnesses brought on by smoking and high cholesterol may not be covered by his HMO, McCarthy guffawed

"Let em' drop me! I fought against the Germans in WWII, and I'll take cancellation over the gas chambers anyday!"

Kaiser has made no references to breeding a Master Race, at least to date."0" style="

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