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Martha Stewart downplays prison, prison downplays Martha Stewart
by Mark on 10/29/2004 (0)

ALDERSON FEDERAL PRISON CAMP, VA - Martha Stewart, in an apparent mode of psychological self-preservation, attempts to downplay her 6 month Federal sentence.

"I-It's just like a college dorm, without the freedom."

Stewart croaked, fighting back tears while nervously folding a matchbook cover into the shape of an Origami Whooping Crane

"I-I can get through this. This wasn't my fault. I have set an upright example for Americans for decades. Alderson prison is a lot farther from my family than I would have liked, but I will make the best of it, mark my words.

Alderson warden Billy Ray Stubbs smiled wryly

"As far as we're concerned, she's just another criminal doing time for breaking the law. Wheter she's comfortable with us or her stay here doesn't mean jack squat to me. She's just another number on the role call, as far as I'm concerned."

Stewart seems to have wistfully and arrogantly dismissed any effect her apparent celebrity status and percieved insolence may be having on the general prison population, many of them hardened killers and terrorists, but rumor has spread of a crib note to Martha from Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme suggesting that Stewart "Wear soap on a rope for the next six months, and not to bend over for anything, including her shoelaces."?

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