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Boy Fakes Coma After Parents Force Him to Eat Vegetables
by Kris on 10/21/2004 (1)

Holy crap that's evil!
After spending just over five years in a coma, a West Virginia boy awoke and screamed loudly at his joyful parents, "I got you good!"

Jonathan Shepard was just ten years old when his parents forced him to eat the vegetables that put him in the coma for so many years.

"We just wanted him to be healthy," said Jonathan's mother at an interview shortly after this ordeal first began. "He said he would get sick, maybe die, if we made him eat his vegetables. It's the kind of thing young boys say all the time, you never think it might actually happen."

Shortly after finishing a plate full of beans and cooked carrots, Jonathan keeled over onto the floor.

"I thought he was faking at first, but when he wouldn't even get up when we threatened to take away his Nintendo, I knew it was serious," said Jonathan's father. "Johnny loves the Mario Brothers more than anything."

Jonathan was rushed to Real County Hospital where doctors were unable to diagnose the reasoning for his sudden ailment.

"John showed no signs of any trauma nor any signs of food or vegetable poisoning," said Jonathan's doctor. "Most people that overdose on vegetables have perfect eyesight, huge muscles, and incredibly hairy chests. John had none of these signs."

Doctors from all over the country attempted to diagnose Johnny's condition but they were all stumped. Even famed coma researcher Dr. Phil Shithouse was unable to diagnose a reason for Johnny's condition.

"He's in a coma, but there are no clear cut signs why," said Dr. Shithouse. "Judging from all his readouts, he should be up and about like any normal West Virginian boy, playing baseball in the fields and dreaming of one day marrying his cousin."

After over five years of being confined to a hospital bed in a 'coma', Jonathan finally decided to end his ploy.

"My parents made me so mad, they knew I hated vegetables and yet they still tried to force me to eat them," said Jonathan. "Despite the months of physical therapy it will take for me to regain my lost muscles, all the education that I missed out on, and the lost years I can never regain, it was all worth it just to see the look on my parents' faces."

"It's a cruel joke, but it's great to have my boy back," said Jonathan's mother. "I missed him so much."

"Look at me, I'm a boy, I'm in a coma. Whoopidy doo!"
- Jonathan Shepard
Doesn't know his father hates him.
Jonathan's father, last seen in a blue 1986 Ford Tempo headed for the Mexican border, was unavailable for comment.

Only a day after awaking from his fake coma, Jonathan relapsed into a real coma. Police reported that a middle aged man driving a blue 1986 Ford Tempo had attempted to smother Jonathan with a pillow while he slept, thus causing the coma.

"We have no leads and no possible motives for this crime,"

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1. by abc on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
what a piece of crap :) </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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