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Software Company Using Child Labor to Filter Spam
by Kris on 10/18/2004 (0)

Child laber... keeping your Inbox safe for 5 cents a day.
Dead Squirrel Corporation, makers of Rodent Free Spam Protection, may soon be forced to stop production and distribution of their flagship software after allegations have arisen that they are using out of country child labor as a means to filter junk emails.

Rodent Free Spam Protection hit the consumer market in early 2001 and has since been considered one of the most effective methods for filtering spam from emails.

"Rodent Free blocks spam emails like no other software before or since," said Norton Bergman, expert in the field of Man-Spam Separation. "No junk emails get through to your inbox, ever."

Since it's early days, Microsoft has had a keen interest in purchasing the underlying code of Rodent Free but CEO and founder of Dead Squirrel Corporation Norman Vanili continually refused any offers made.

"We saw Rodent Free as a threat to the Microsoft Empire," said Microsoft founder Bill Gates. "We tried very hard to purchase the code, we even drove a dump truck full of money to Mr. Vanili's residence. He wouldn't take it."

Recent investigations into the internal workings of Dead Squirrel may have revealed why they were so reluctant to sell out to Microsoft, something nearly any other company would willingly do.

"We began investigations into Dead Squirrel Corporation two weeks ago after numerous users of Rodent Free reported receiving strange emails," said Todd Hanson, chief investigator for the group Child Labor Must Die (CLMD). CLMD is a group funded by wealthy middle-aged men who's wives have left them for less bald, slightly richer yet equally middle-aged men and now they have little else to do other than fund investigations into child labor laws.

The emails that CLMD received claimed to be from young children who were tired of their poor wages and long hours and were hoping for donations to their PayPal accounts.

"They were young and they complained they weren't getting paid what they deserved," said Hanson. "We feel that children should be paid just as well as their illegal Mexican immigrant counterparts."

"Rodent Free blocks spam emails like no other software before or since. No junk emails get through to your inbox, ever."
- Norton Bergman
Expert in some field.
The emails lead to the investigation. And the investigation lead to a startling revelation.

"There is no real underlying code or algorithms that perform the spam filtering," said Hanson. "The email is simply forwarded to one of many children who read it, filtering out the spam and pushing through the real emails."

Since 2001 when Rodent Free was introduced, over 5,000 children have been employed by Dead Squirrel Corporation to filter out spam emails, making them the third biggest employer of child labor, behind only Nike and Martha Stewart Corporat


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