The History of Dodgeball
on 8/5/2002 (130)
Dodgeball was developed about 50,000 B.C. by a small group of cavemen living in Asia. Disgusted with the Sun's burning effect on their eyes, these cavemen, lead by their fearless leader Throg, decided it was time to put an end to the almighty Sun once and for all. Grabbing large boulders, they began to hurl them at the Sun. As they watched the rocks travel towards the sun, something surprising happened. Gravity, which they knew nothing of, took hold and sent the rocks back to the ground. A lucky few managed to "dodge" out of the way. The rest were killed instantly when the large rocks crushed their skulls into tiny pieces. Seeing the destruction that this had left spawned a new idea in young Throg's head. His tribe of people discarded the typical caveman spear weapons and attacked their enemies with large rocks. Rival tribe leader, Doug, saw the destruction that Throg's new techniques were causing. He promptly found rocks of his own and began training his people how to "dodge" out of the way of these rocks when they were thrown. When the two tribes met on the battlefield, Doug's techniques paid off and Throg's tribe was completely whipped out, never to be heard of ever again. Doug's people had enjoyed training so much for the battle that even after their victory, they continued to play the game that is now referred to as Dodgeball. Brackets were setup and a yearly tournament was held to crown a yearly Dodgeball King, who would then be sacrificed to Oscillation, God of the Dodgeball.
|Cavemen pioneered the art of Dodgeball. |
Years later, the Ancient Egyptians revived Dodgeball after hearing of it from a mysterious stranger that can only be described as mysterious and strange. The Egyptians built their entire culture around Dodgeball, constructing great temples in the shape of the triangle, which they had mistakenly assumed for the shape of a Dodgeball. The Pharaoh's held weekly Dodgeball games in their palaces. The two dominant teams of this era were the York Yankees and the Hartford Whalers. Unfortunately, due to the civilization's enormous infatuation with Dodgeball, nothing more was ever done. The fields were not irrigated and the crops died. The society began to collapse. The York Yankees were executed and the Hartford Whalers were placed in a state of cryogenic suspension, only to be revived when society had advanced enough to handle the great art of Dodgeball.
|Ancient Egyptians constructed great temples in the shape of the triangle, which they had mistakenly assumed for the shape of a Dodgeball. |
A distant relative of Doug had made his way to South America when the Earth was but one continent. He too spread the knowledge of Dodgeball. His tribe, of which the name and exact location has never been discovered, were known as the Dougs and they lived in eastern El Salvador. They too, like the Ancient Egyptians, based their culture around Dodgeball. They believed that they were looked over by a vengeful god, known as Muhahaha, that would cause plagues upon their village if they did not play six hours of Dodgeball a day and always walk with a left or right strafing motion. The Dougs did not have the technical know-how to construct a real dodgeball, so they played with an actual human hea
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