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Broke college grad attempts roller coaster record
by Mark on 7/7/2004 (0)

Look ma, no cash! Weeeeeeee!
Defaulting on a 48,000 dollar student loan, Business major Jimmy Skufka is attempting to recoup financially by setting a new roller coaster record at Six Flags amusement park in Cincinnati, Ohio.

During a rare 10 minute break, Skufka drank dizzily from a water bottle, struggling to keep his eyes from wandering in separate directions

"I-I owe 48 grand in student loans, and I heard about this contest. Whoever rides the 'Mondo Magilla' roller coaster the longest wins 12,000 dollars, and I figured it would be a great way to pay off a decent chunk of what I owe the Feds. There's 4 of us left, and we've been up here 8 days, so I think I have as good as a chance as anyone else."

Skufka splashed the rest of the water on his head, and into the lap of the woman seated behind him.

"It's a damn shame that I have to resort to such extreme measures just to pay off my loans. I think it says alot about the current state of the American economy."

It seems that this was not Skufka's first quest for windfall cash.

"I sat and suffered in the cheap seats at Yankee stadium for months, waiting for a Derek Jeter home run ball. Do you know how much they go for on E-bay? I also flew to Cancun and entered a karaoke contest and I would have won, dammit! How was I supposed to know I had to sing along in Spanish with a Mariachi band? I-I'm starting to panic...I'm broke and in debt, and I need a big score!"

When asked the obvious, if he ever took his diploma and resume to an employment agency to seek job placement, Skufka rolled his eyes and shifted gears

"You sound just like my mom. I HAVE a plan, anyway. My next stop is Windsor, Ontario. I hear they upped the 25 cent Video Poker Grand Prize to a 1000 bucks!"

Skufka indicated he has no established mailing address or published telephone listing at this time.

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