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Kobe Bryant not to be traded to New York Yankees
by Kris on 5/24/2004 (0)

Sorry sports fans, don't expect to see this anytime soon.
In a move that most insiders called expected and obvious, Kobe Bryant, star guard for the LA Lakers, will not be traded to the New York Yankees. This news comes after weeks of no speculation that such a trade would ever occur.

"It's just absurd to even consider such a trade," says NBA Commissioner David Stern. "First off, you have to consider the fact that we are dealing with two entirely different sports here. And secondly, the trade deadline for the NBA has long since passed this year."

"We just don't have the need for a shooting guard at this moment," says Yankees owner George Steinbrenner. "But if we did, I'm sure we'd give Kobe serious consideration, unless Tracy McGrady was available. We really love that guy."

"We're in the middle of a playoff run right now," said Lakers' coach Phil Jackson. "I can't understand why we'd want to trade one of our top players, one of the best basketball players in the world, for a baseball player... unless it was Albert Pujols, that guy is amazing. There is no one you'd rather give the ball to in the closing seconds with the game on the line than Pujols."

This trade also doesn't make sense due to Bryant's current contract situation, which would allow him to opt out of his contract at the end of the year in favor of free agency. Most teams would not want to trade for a player that may only be with them for a very small remainder of the season, whichever season it might be.

Representatives for Kobe Bryant were unavailable for comment at this time, but if they were, it is likely that they would point out that this is the first they would have heard of such a trade, a trade so absurd that a resurrection of the XFL headed by King Arthur himself would be more likely.

Had the trade occurred, it is most likely that the Lakers would have gotten a big name hitter, like Jason Giambi, Alex Rodriguez or possibly even the currently struggling Derek Jeter. This would provide the run scoring ability that the Lakers has long been missing, and in the case of A-Rod or Jeter, it would also boost an infield squad that is lackluster at best.

This trade would have involved two different sports, the National Basketball Association and Major League Baseball. This would mark the first time any such deal occurred in professional sports and could open the door for numerous other players to swap freely between entirely unrelated sports.

"Can you imagine Randy Moss being traded to help the offence of the struggling Montreal Expos or Nikolai Khabibulin helping improve the poor defense of the Dallas Mavericks? It's any sports fans dream come true," commented one overly excited, and slightly intoxicated, sports fan.

Of course, this scenario will most likely never happen and has probably never even been considered until now, but sometimes no news is news.

Finally, in other non-news, Donovan McNabb will not be traded to the Buffalo Sabers, Barry Bonds has not been suspended for a threatening remarks directed at a lamp he did not make, and the Chicago Bulls are not being moved to Argentina... yet.

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