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Mars once covered in Chocolate says NASA
by Kris on 5/3/2004 (0)

Could this have been the past of Mars?
The recent exploration of the Red Planet by a pair of Mars Rovers revealed that Mars was once covered in water. Upon further analysis of the data retrieved, NASA has now concluded that Mars was also once coated in milk chocolate.

"We have discovered the entire planet was once covered in chocolate, like a giant malted milk ball," said Steve Squyres of Cornell University. Squyres is an avid candy buff who also happens to be the principal investigator for the science instruments on Opportunity and its twin rover, Spirit

Squyres, candy fan Drew Carey, and other NASA officials made the announcement at NASA headquarters in Washington, after several days of giving tantalizing hints that something significant, and possibly delicious, had been discovered.

"This represents a significant discovery because it is the first supporting evidence that the entire universe is just a tasty treat dish for a lazy, unemployed omnipotent being who's only ambitions are staying awake to see reruns of the Three's Company and eating the universe," says NASA scientist Craig Helmut.

Scientists used instruments on board the Marlon Brando-sized rovers to study the composition of the rocks and soil of Mars. The rocks' physical taste, plus multiple discarded candy wrappers found in a number of craters, make the case for a chocolate coated past that may have been delicious.

While reporters pushed the scientists to come up with an answer to just how delicious it might have been, Squyres said that the results could not be determined until a national taste test sponsored by Heresy's could be conducted. He said a physical examination of samples would be the only way to get a definite answer.

"A physical examination of samples would be the only way to get a definite answer," said Squyers.

Squyres did offer a couple of scenarios on what might have happened that led to Mars's unusual surface coating:

"Most likely, when the big bang occurred, a chocolate reserve exploded and sent it's sweet sugary goodness hurling through space. This chocolate traveled thru space for thousands of years, having dozens of zany adventures and foiling numerous disgruntled shopkeepers and angry motel owners before coming to rest on Mars and slowly engulfing it's harsh surface."

"Alternatively, there could have been a series of volcanic eruptions on the surface of Mars that spewed forth the chocolate filling from deep inside. While this seems plausible, it goes against the common notion that the center of Mars is filled with Carmel corn."

"Both are fundamentally possible," says Squyers. "But it may be weeks before we know for sure, if ever."

Scientist say the case for a candy coated past is further strengthened by the pictures taken by the rovers' panoramic cameras and it's microscopic imager. One rock formation, named "A big chocolate bunny", appears to be a giant chocolate structure in the shape of a big chocolate bunny.

"It's defiantly a bunny, it looks just like the one I got for Easter last year," says Helmut. "The only real question is whether it is hollow or solid. These things are usually hollow, but there is always a chance i

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