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What Would Sam Kinison say? part 3
by Mark on 4/15/2004 (0)

I think Sam would have said something like....

Smooth Operator: "Have you read the latest about fast food? Obesity just overtook smoking as the leading cause of death in America.

Sam Kinsion: "Who's doing these studies, man? Every guy knows the leading cause of death in America is MARRIAGE! OH-OH!...The FDA needs to put a warning sticker on every wedding dress, with messages like 'till death do us part', 'for better or for worse' and 'for richer or for poorer', so the stiff can think things through before he gives it up...Lives will be saved man, MILLIONS OF F__CKING LIVES WILL BE SAVED! They need to print a special warning label on cigarettes for newlyweds that says 'Carbon monoxide is a great way to commit suicide!'"

Smooth Operator: "Sam, have you watched the hit TV series 'American Idol?"

Sam Kinison: "Yeah, and they've got it all wrong. The contestants are treated way, way too nice, man. You know what I mean? Instead of voting a lousy singer off, they should do what they did in Shakespeare's day. You're off key!...BAM! ROTTEN TOMATO TO THE FOREHEAD!...Missed a note!...BAM! CABBAGE IN THE GUT!...Better yet, they should dress Simon Cowell as Pontius Pilot...he'd give thumbs down and say things like 'You are the worst singer in the world!' now STONE HIM!...STONE HIM!!...OH-OH! American Idol doesn't need a studio audience, man! They need a lion pit! "

Smooth Operator: "Sam, what's the first thing you'll do when you get back to earth?"

Sam Kinison: "Pick up on the support payments, man. They've got me payin' through the next life too! Seriously, I'd like to do some lines and get laid. I miss that, I miss the pleasures of the flesh...being an ethereal glob of cosmic energy sucks, man. Sometimes I float down to the Sands in Vegas and try to pick up a beer off the bar and my hand passes right through it! Being dead is like an AA program that really works!! OH-OH-OHHH!

Stay tuned for more word's o' wisdom from Slammin' Sammy in the near future, only on Smooth Operator!

"0" sty0" style

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