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FDA considers ban on sale of Pez
by Kris on 4/12/2004 (0)

Flinstones and Rabits and the Dark Lord of the Sith... oh my!
For years, Pez has been one of the most popular candies in the United States. Recent allegations against Pez have now spurred the Food and Drug Administration to contemplate a ban on the sale of this once highly regarded candy.

Pez, made by Pez Candy Inc., are small brick-shaped candies, high in sugar and other delicious goodness. They are sold along with Pez dispensers, which feature the likeness of famous characters such as the Ninja Turtles, Looney Toons, and United States Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. These dispensers release Pez when you tip back their head and have become highly collectable in the past decade, selling for as much as $7 on eBay.

Pez are currently one of the nations top exports and consistently rank among the most popular candies worldwide. Unfortunately, during the past six months, Pez has been linked to eight drive by shootings, twelve trashcan tippings, and six yield-sign thefts.

In a lawsuit filed last month, lawyers for Jimmy’s Food Hut out of Dirtpoor, Arkansas, asked for a ban of Pez after their garbage cans had been knocked over two consecutive nights in Pez related incidents.

“These kids were outside hanging out, as they like to call it,” says storeowner Jim McCoy. “They were popping Pez all night… their eyes were wide and glossy, sweet sugar on their breath. They kept laughing and giggling, it was like something out of a Steven King novel or Hanson concert.”

Jim McCoy alleges that these teens proceeded to knock over his garbage cans, apparently in a desperate attempt to locate more Pez.

“They just couldn’t get enough,” he claims.

“We couldn’t,” they admit.

The teens returned the next night, and the same situation once again ensued. Local authorities were called and had to use excessive force to stop the rampaging teens.

“They were sugar buzzed like no one I have ever seen before,” says on officer on the scene. “It was like they were on PCP or something, it took four police officers just to bring down just one of them.”

Situations like this have been reported all across America in recent months. Parent groups have sprung up all over and have strongly encouraged other parents to talk to their children about the dangers of Pez.

Research has shown that Pez can speed the heart rate and, in heavy doses, increase the strength of a man tenfold, enabling them to lift small automobiles and tear phonebooks in two. Test subjects on Pez were able to stay awake for months at a time, undoubtedly plotting against their parents and other authority figures. Subjects with high Blood-Pez levels became very energetic, often sacrificing common sense for cheap laughs at the expense of garbage receptacles and the yield-sign, which appears to be the arch-nemesis of Pez.

“The yield-sign tells them to give way to others,” says Dr. Tim Reed. “Pez isn’t about giving way, it’s about taking what you want by any means necessary, even if that way is petty vandalism. It seems only natural that the yield-sign would be their enemy.”

Citing this evidence and the recent rash of Pez related incidents, many of these parental groups have begun heavily pressuring the FDA to<

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