What would Sam Kinison say? part 1
on 3/20/2004 (17)
What would Sam Kinison say about world events today? Here are some possibilities:
Smooth Operator: "Sam, how do you feel about Saddam Hussein and terrorism?"
Sam Kinison: "I understand terrorism. I was married for 2 years. I'm not in tune why everyone hates Islam, I mean, here's a religion that makes women wear a veil over their mouths! Saddam is alright in my book...Saddam's a solid guy...here's a guy who had 4 wives...FOUR F__KING WIVES, MAN! He had so much trouble with them, he ended up putting his face on the Iraqi dollar bill. That's so when they go shopping to spend his hard-extorted money, he's letting them know he's still watching!! OH-OH-OHHH!!..."
Smooth Operator: "Sam, what are your opinions on Martha Stewart?
Sam Kinison: "Martha is like all women, everywhere. She's baking an apple pie and knitting a sweater when you're at home, but then she's playing craps with your IRA and screwing your best buddie when you're at work! Man, she's just two-faced, women have two personalities like that, you know? The angel and the devil...the closest my ex-wife came to being Martha Stewart was giving me half the pots and pans in the divorce!! OH-OHHH!"
Smooth Operator: "What are your feelings on the outsourcing of jobs to China?"
Sam Kinison: "Well, first you have to understand what makes the average Chinese happy. These are people who lived in bamboo huts and ate grasshoppers and fisheads for 4 thousand years, and they were basically happy...they were eating bugs and they were F__KING HAPPY!...Then Mao came along, gave them 16 hour work days, some snappy marching tunes and maybe some extra bugs and another bamboo addition to their huts, and man, they're so damn happy they went F__KING MAD WITH JOY!...OHHHH!! Compare that to the average American worker who can't decide on a third SUV or a trip to Vegas! OH-OH-OHH!"
Smooth Operator: "NASA just landed 2 rovers on Mars. What are your feelings on space exploration?"
Sam Kinison: NASA claims the major benefit of space exploration is in spinoff technology...I mean, they can flawlessly transmit a stream of data from another planet 40 million miles away, right? So where's the spinoff, man? I made a cell phone call driving to Needles in the open desert...THE OPEN F__KING DESERT, and my cell phone is zapping in and out! I hope space technology is benefitting the Martians, because we Earthlings just ain't seeing it!! OH-OH-OHHHH!!!"
Look for more words O' wisdom from "Slammin' Sammy" in the near future! Only on Smooth Operator!"
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