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Women Love the Nintendo Power Glove
by Kris on 2/23/2004 (2) 
 | | Feel the Power... of a Glove!!! | | For years, men have used numerous things to attract women... huge muscles, digital watches, fast cars, and pretty much anything coated in chocolate. Whether these methods worked were often hit or miss. But one thing has always worked, the Nintendo Power Gove!
Originally designed in 1989 for the Nintendo Entertainment Systems, the Power Glove was intended as a gaming peripheral, a device to improve gameplay in ways a normal controller could only imagine in it's wildest dreams, crazy dreams full of ninja penguins locked in a bitter struggle with giant refrigerator magnets. The Power Glove was intended to allow gamers to reach one step closer to the virtual reality that had so fiercely plagued the minds of the youth of the early 1980's. Unfortunately, due to a lack of quality gaming titles and a general concept that was appealing only to communists, the Power Glove soon faded into obscurity with the likes of BetaMax and Milli Vanilli.
While most gamers tucked away their Power Gloves in the closet with their R.O.B. robots, Air Supply records, and inflatable women, a fashion sensible few took the Power Glove out of their homes and onto the streets. What they discovered would change the landscape of male/female relations for all time.
Eddie VonNerdenstien was one of the first to notice the radical difference the Power Glove made in his social life.
"Believe it or not, a stud like me had never had a single date before I got my Power Glove," Eddie proudly proclaimed from behind his coke-bottle glasses and duel pocket-protectors. "Then one day after a marathon session of Super Glove Ball, I decided to go out to the local Radio Shack to see if they had any new semi-conductors. In my excitement, I forgot to take off my Power Glove. Rain began to poor down from the sky and not wanting to damage my priceless peripheral, I was forced to duck into a neighborhood bar to shield myself from the rampart hydrogen oxide that was quickly threatening the functionality of my Precious. Upon entering the bar, I was instantly mobbed by the female of my species, singing sweet songs of the glory of my Power Glove!"
 | | Can you say 'Badass'? This guy obviously can. | | All across the country, this sort of story was repeating itself. As the word spread, more and more nerds, geeks, and dweebs took to the streets, Power Gloves in hand and dreams of love in their minds.
"I can hardly lift my own luggage, and fast cars give me a nosebleed. I'm afraid of the dark and I often wet myself," says one unnamed poindexter. "But I put on my Power Glove and I am a God among men. Something about an electrically charged plastic glove just drives the ladies wild."
"Before I started wearing my Power Glove about town, I was lucky if I could get a girl to talk to me," says another popularity deprived individual. "Now I'm never alone for a single repeat of Star Trek or Battlestar Galactica!"
"I love a man who wears a Power Glove," says one enamored female. "It's just so sexy, and so hot. I want him to touch every part of my body with it... after I watch him play Rad Racer first of course."
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