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Congress mulls Terrorism Tax
by Mark on 5/30/2003 (4) 
 | | Artist's rendition of what this article's opening analogy may look like. | | With terrorist radical fringe groups popping up like mushrooms on a summer night, Congress is mulling over capitalizing financially through taxation and licensing.
U.S. Deputy Attorney Larry D. Thompson General describes the "terror bill":
"Fledgling terrorists groups would be required to register for Federal Taxation. A general license authorizing acts of terror can be issued at the State level, as driver's licenses are issued today. Terrorists will have to take a competency test to insure the highest standards of professionalism are practiced, according to local codes and revisions.
We want consistency. Terror is a way of life, just like pot smoking, drinking, gambling and pornography, so why shouldn't some sort of standard be created to insure that American's are getting the BEST quality terrorism possible?"
Al-Qaeda operative Muhammad-Omar Jahil agrees:
"With license, I will be able to commit acts of terror legally! No more hiding out in motel rooms…no more fake ID and falsified rental papers for Nitrogen fertilizer truck bombs!"
Taxation rates will be based on damage incurred on attacks.
Thompson continues:
 | | Have you hugged a terrorist lately? | | "The WTC damages were estimated at 50 Billion U.S. $$. A 5% tax would be mandatory on such high profile attacks. In THIS way we can combat terrorism by making them too expensive for the average Arab to plan and carry out .The deterrent is built in!"
Small attacks would be far more affordable, and easier to clean up as well, Thompson points out.
When prodded with the possibility that the Terror Tax is merely coddling terrorists instead of eradicating them, Thompson sighed:
"We're also trying to get people to stop snorting coke, smoking marijuana, committing insurance fraud, evading taxes, and so on. At least with Federal regulation, we can make sure Americans are getting a quality product".
Some Washington sources have suggested the bill was proposed by Texas legislators.
Al-Qaeda lawyers could not be reached for comment.
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