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Review of The Legend of Zelda
by Kris on 11/18/2008 (5)



Duck Hunting / Walking simulator


Number of players

Number of characters saying "Grumble Grumble"

Number of times you'll wish you were dead

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The year was 1987. Big hair, snap bracelets, and Cabbage Patch kids were all the rage. Not to be forgotten amongst a sea of crap, Nintendo released a little know game "The Legend of Zelda" that very year. Legend was initially conceived to be a semi-sequel to the popular 1985 release Duck Hunt, but its overhead perspective and emphasize on wandering aimlessly through screen after screen of hideous artwork and poorly draw enemies confused early focus groups and forced Nintendo to rethink the Duck Hunt Brand. Shigeru Miyamoto was tapped to design the game (while at the same time designing the doomed Super Mario Brothers). Drawing inspiration from the popular movie Caddie Shack, Miyamoto created a sprawling world that bared little if any resemblance to the movie on which it is based. Legend features riddles to solve, a variety of caves and dungeons to explore, boss characters to battle, different weapons to collect, some Zelda chick that is irrelevant to the story despite being in the title of the game, and several dozen scantily clad fairies that would give any teenage boy a hard-on. Back then, Legend was well received and was even honored with the prestigious "Best Duck Hunting Game of 1987" award despite very stiff competition and a complete absence of ducks (though the bow and arrow weapon could be viewed as hunting). The game sold over eleven billion copies (many of which were made of solid gold) and saved Nintendo from financial ruin. Having read all this, you are probably wondering if such a ground breaking, company saving, consumer loving game is really as good as the hype seems to indicate. Well, keep reading because Smooth Operator is going to tell you.

  • Much better story than Tetris.
  • Single player but you don't care because let's face it, you don't have any friends.
  • Get to play with swords without facing criminal charges.
  • A pea is neither a pea nor a nut but rather a delicious legume.

In Legend, you control a tiny fairy boy named Link. Using a standard NES controller, which is crap by today's standards (because it only has two buttons, no force-feedback, and no voice recognition), you walk Link through screen after screen of the same six or seven tiles where you battle the same seven or eight enemies. The game would have been much more enjoyable had it stuck to its roots and allowed the user to use the Light Gun to shoot ducks or at least poorly drawn red and blue monsters (and maybe that annoying dog too). The gameplay in Halo was a lot better than Legend too… it's a shame this game wasn't more like Halo because that would have been awesome to have a Halo like game back in 1987.

Don't expect Gears of War or even lesser graphically inferior games like Grand Theft Auto Vice City or Crazy Taxi. This game is a mash of low quality sprite graphics, something that hasn't been used for any legitimate game in 21 years. It is almost as if there were some sort of horrible graphic limitations that forced all the enemies to look like they were drawn by a mentally chall

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1. by Name on 11/19/2008 4:08:24 PM
It doesn't look like anyone is biting.ig </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by Kris on 11/20/2008 10:33:48 AM
You win some, you lose some."0" sty </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by Name on 11/20/2008 5:38:41 PM
You should have made fun of Halo and talked about how they don't make games like they used to. Talk about the deep zelda storyline, and how you used the Halo manual to </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
4. by Name on 11/20/2008 5:39:36 PM
Maybe then you would have got more agrivated comments. There is an art to pissing people off for the hell of itone"></ </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
5. by Kris on 11/20/2008 6:35:39 PM
Yeah... but I like Halo :("0" style </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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