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Your Parents Don't Love You
by Kris on 11/16/2008 (4)

"That boy ain't right."
They say parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally. Let me let you in on a little secret... they don't! Especially in your case you loser / idiot / deadbeat / communist!

Everything you have ever done is a huge disappointment. You have let your parents down time and time again. Why can't you be more like their coworkers' kids, who have prestigious degrees, well paying jobs, and significant others who they aren't afraid to be seen in public with?

Remember that time that you tried out for the sports team / dance team / cheerleaders / secret society and you didn't make it? The neighbor's kid made it and he / she / it has horrible BO and buck teeth. You lost out to the smelly kid with bad teeth! Understandable in England, but not here in the US of A. Your parents spent several weeks locked in their room crying. They still can't face their friends.

Remember that time you drew that art that your parents said they loved? They burnt it because it was so fucking terrible. "I can't believe that's my son / daughter / cyborg child" said your Dad. Your Mom just cried.

Remember that time you wet your pants during the fourth grade spelling bee? I don't think I need to remind you how that made them feel.

Remember that time that you dropped out of high school / college / beauty school / fourth grade because it was too hard / too boring / conflicted with your plans of sleeping in all day / conflicted with your plans of smoking pot all day? That was probably the last straw.

When you were born, your parents thought you were perfect. So small, so cute, so full of promise. Unfortunately for them, that promise quickly disappeared as they came to the realization that you were stupid / unmotivated / John Tesh / prone to bouts of uncontrollable alcoholism followed by rage directed at your fellow man / woman / toaster.

Worry not though, as long as your parents are still living, there is still time to win back their love (and if they're dead, you probably shouldn't worry too much because you'll be spending eternity burning in the everlasting fiery pits of Hell while they enjoy a blissful life in Heaven without you). Try to stop being such a loser / idiot / reality TV personality. Get a well paying job / hobby / panhandling career / settlement check. Go back to school to earn your masters degree / doctorate / fourth grade diploma. Move out of their basement and get a house / apartment / van down by the river. And for the love of God, stop watching Star Trek / Buffy / The Hills / Golden Girls all freaking day.

And if that doesn't work… just move to another town and tell them about all the great things you're doing. And don't mention that you actually work the afternoon shift at Dairy Queen / Burger King / the corner of Park and Fifth. After all, tricking your parents into loving you is just as good as the real thing.

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1. by Sam on 11/19/2008 7:16:43 AM case you are a communist!? lol, WTF! I damn sure this site is banned in </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by Kris on 11/19/2008 9:22:43 AM
This site is banned in most countries actually. We're very insulting to other </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by Charles on 5/30/2009 11:28:29 AM
Why must we say anything bad is 'Communist?' Instead of looking at things the way we are, we try to find an "Ultimate evil" and everyone associated with it is evil. I'm a communist, does that make me evil because I want to make the world better?t </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
4. by Jimmy Dean on 5/9/2010 9:38:20 AM
Maybe, if I had gotten the tiniest bit of support when I was growing up I would have been more successful. Check out if you're really interested in learning anything about child rearing or would prefer to just spout out random thoughts from your poorly trained mindone">< </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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