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Captain Crunch Has Trouble Being Taken Seriously
by Kris on 8/22/2008 (0)

That's not me!
Smithfield, Maine - Captain Jeremy Crunch has been fishing since he was knee high to a three foot tall, genetically mutated grasshopper (coincidently quite common in Maine). He comes from a family of fishermen and has spent nearly after day of his life on the water. And yet, much like Rodney Dangerfield, he can't get no respect.

"People hear the name Captain Crunch and they think I'm some cartoon captain on a quest to locate breakfast cereal," said Captain Crunch. "I hate breakfast, I just want to fish."

The confusion comes from the name similarity of the real Captain Crunch and the cartoon mascot Cap'n Crunch. Cap'n Crunch was created in 1963 to sell a cereal that would have otherwise been called brown sugar served over rice, a much less exciting name.

Because of the name, Captain Crunch has experienced serious hardships in his life since becoming captain of his own boat.

"It's nearly impossible to sell my catch at the market," he told Smooth Operator. "People expect cereal, and they don't want to buy fish from the guy who sells cereal. Many get confused and think I'm selling fish cereal. Sometime I make small children cry."

The hardships have taken a toll on Captain Crunch. Once the happy First Mate Crunch, as a Captain he has taken to drinking heavily after and during work and has twice been arrested for attempting to burn down the cereal isle at the local IGA. While still married, his wife reportedly "gets around".

The next nautical rank above captain is admiral, a rank all but unattainable by a common fisherman. This leaves the only clear solution for Captain Crunch being to kill Cap'n Crunch.

"No Cap'n Crunch, no people confusing me for a cartoon sailor," said Captain Crunch, then followed his statement with maniacal laughter.

Legend says that the only way to kill Cap'n Crunch is by piercing his heart with soggy cereal. Captain Crunch has already poured the milk.i0"<

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