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Area Musician Boasts of Arpeggiated Farts, A Flat suspended 7th Burps
by Mark on 8/7/2008 (0)

NASHVILLE - Bombastic Nashville musician Merl Kornblatt recently boasted of “expanding his already impressive repertoire of myriad musical instruments" by claiming to be able to fart in Arpeggio and burp in A flat suspended 7th. Kornblatt describes:

“I was listening to some old Bob Seger records, and after a rampant surfeit of Taco Bell Chimichangas and Mike's Hard Lemonade, discovered that I can toot 'Down on Mainstreet' in a spread chord arpeggio by elevating one cheek and pulsing my middle abdomen with my left palm. I’ve found that an arpeggio in the key of C major going up two octaves is no real challenge, especially after a side order of nacho fries, Jalapeno spicy hot of course."

Kornblatt also described being able to burp Tchaikovsky’s Romeo and Juliet Overture after quaffing two 24 ounce cans of Labatt’s Ice as well.

“I can tweak out my A flats into suspended 7th’s with a little extra throat action, but I bust a nut every time I try.” mused Kornblatt. “I’m not sure what’s next for a super talented guy like me, but the sky’s the limit for sure.”

No word is out how Kornblatt would apply his new found ability, but promised “American Idol is out of the question, at least until they start doing some Jonas Brothers or Miley Cyrus material, whichever comes first.”

Story based on an idea by Andreas Charalambous

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