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Area Boss Close To Getting Ass Kicked Over Misuse Of Term 'Multitasking'
by Mark on 12/12/2007 (0)

Pat-your-head-and-rub-your-tummy protest, Kankakee, Illinois chapter.
KANKAKEE, IL - QuickyRates Insurance Co. General manager Tommy Schmales has been "tickling the line between free dental work and reverse plastic surgery" for his blatant and repetitive abuse and misuse of the Digital Age term "multitasking" according to dissed and fuming coworkers Friday.

"Tommy is taking his interpretation of the term 'multitasking' too far." Fumed customer service rep Kevin Amp "Multitasking used to be a term describing the skill of utilizing multiple desktop software environments at once, like pasting from the Internet into a word document, or letting one file download while uploading another while you were sitting fat, dumb and Taco Bell in your chair. Schmales has somehow craftily mutated 'multitasking' out from the virtual into the physical realm, however, and it's really getting people tossing flying hot craps over here, for real."

Subsequent testimony described examples of Schmales renegade spin on the notion of multitasking, such as instigating employees to wait on 3 customers at once while unloading a truck while answering phones and sending and receiving faxes all at the same time, and all at distant points of the sprawling QuickyRates complex.

"Schmales thinks doing the job of 6 people is multitasking, and that he disclosed that multitasking was part of our job description, so you either do it right or get the hell out. Yeah, maybe his interpretation. Fact is, he's just too damn cheap to hire more people, so we get all the extra workload without the extra pay. The shit's gonna hit the server if I find myself licking envelopes and printing UPS labels while making outbound calls all at the same time under the blanket term 'multitasking', that's for damn sure!"

Other coworkers promised to "gut Schmales like a trout" if he kept using the condescending, trikki-nikki techy term "carbon based error" whenever one of their workstations took a dump as well.

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